An impossible wish
There is this door I want to step into.
I mean, I could, probably. But I don't know if I'll be let in with welcome and gladness, or ...
I haven't knocked for a long time now. I got tired knocking. But the person inside basically yelled at me to say I haven't been talking to him for years...I know. I am at fault. Because I thought if I don't, then he'll come to me. He doesn't.
So time passed, and I just got pulled by things and tasks...nothing more important than him but...somehow, those other things make me feel like myself, like I am achieving something.
And that feeling is the one I don't have when I was knocking and knocking on that door that won't open without me using my own body to keep the door open so the person inside can't close it on me.
It didn't feel great.
But not knocking and not talking...it's hard too. And the disappointment grows. I can't say if I'm more disappointed with him or with myself.
I am the elder sister. But...I thought we were close enough for him to fight for me but he just doesn't want to.
It's hard when you used to be really close with someone. But then things happened and you both grew up, and before you know it, he's different and you're different and there's almost no communication even if you wish there to be.
Is it pride? Are all my reasons just excuses?
It's almost my birthday. I have not received a greeting from that person for years.
But I want to celebrate with him. How?
I mean, I could, probably. But I don't know if I'll be let in with welcome and gladness, or ...
I haven't knocked for a long time now. I got tired knocking. But the person inside basically yelled at me to say I haven't been talking to him for years...I know. I am at fault. Because I thought if I don't, then he'll come to me. He doesn't.
So time passed, and I just got pulled by things and tasks...nothing more important than him but...somehow, those other things make me feel like myself, like I am achieving something.
And that feeling is the one I don't have when I was knocking and knocking on that door that won't open without me using my own body to keep the door open so the person inside can't close it on me.
It didn't feel great.
But not knocking and not talking...it's hard too. And the disappointment grows. I can't say if I'm more disappointed with him or with myself.
I am the elder sister. But...I thought we were close enough for him to fight for me but he just doesn't want to.
It's hard when you used to be really close with someone. But then things happened and you both grew up, and before you know it, he's different and you're different and there's almost no communication even if you wish there to be.
Is it pride? Are all my reasons just excuses?
It's almost my birthday. I have not received a greeting from that person for years.
But I want to celebrate with him. How?
