about yesterday , well i had a lot to say about yesterday
it was quite a busy day ,i completed my resume verification ,submitted all the plethora of documents and really felt happy about it because thse are the tasks i would procrastinate till the last moment . i also gave an intern exam and itdid not go well because i really know nothing , i have just started to learn and heal .
but i also had a three triggers yesrday ,in one i belittled myself and compared myself to this extremelly smart successful and beautiful girl . and in other instance , i looked at this friend of mine from like 4 years back .she is so successful and has achieved dsuch heights like really she is doing google inteern ,we started from the same place and we had same capabilities except that she had a mountain of determination and a brick load of will strength .but i am pretty sure that she worked very very very hard for this and fully deserve it although i feel bitter that she cut me off . but had she not been this successful, would have i felt this bitter ?
while thinking about all this , my happiness and peace spiralled and diminished , then my final trigger was one of my friend saying "do you even want an internship ?" to me today since i submitted one of my document at 9 am .(deadline is 11:59 am). i wasnt procrastinating or avoiding , my shoulders are still in pain so i was just resting . this triggered me so much but i think it was a positive trigger .
i just thought this thing _
no one ,absolutely no one knows how much of a struggle and will it takes for me to just get out of bed on my dark days .no one understands the immense anxiesty ,hate ,fear i experience while making a simple phone call ,no one has the littlest idea of the panic and suicidal thoughts i experienced while filling minor google forms , no one knows the mountain of courage it takes to bring yourself out of the darkest pit of your mind .
NONEONE EXCEPT ME .
And if i dont appreciate myself for thse achievements of my life then who will ? seriously who will ? no <i wont compare myself to this random successful girl in my college because she is not me ,and no i will also not compare myself to this ex friend of mine because yes we received the same soil , the same water , the same air and we were seed of the same tree but we are not the same . she defintely had her fair share of struggles and i had mine ,but our paths though overlapped for some time are separate and different . its time to accept this and let this thorn out of my heart . no more looking out of the window to see how far others have drove on . lets look at my brakes , my accelerator , my clutch , my gears and the view outside of my car . the view in front .
getting better is not an event , its a process . its not linear , success comes with sheer hard work , focus , determination, patience AND WITH FAILURE . today is going pretty good . i have no pending tasks(after days)so i am gonna decide my study routine from today (FINALLY). I AM EXCITED TO LEARN WEB DEVELOPMENT AND DSA
but i also had a three triggers yesrday ,in one i belittled myself and compared myself to this extremelly smart successful and beautiful girl . and in other instance , i looked at this friend of mine from like 4 years back .she is so successful and has achieved dsuch heights like really she is doing google inteern ,we started from the same place and we had same capabilities except that she had a mountain of determination and a brick load of will strength .but i am pretty sure that she worked very very very hard for this and fully deserve it although i feel bitter that she cut me off . but had she not been this successful, would have i felt this bitter ?
while thinking about all this , my happiness and peace spiralled and diminished , then my final trigger was one of my friend saying "do you even want an internship ?" to me today since i submitted one of my document at 9 am .(deadline is 11:59 am). i wasnt procrastinating or avoiding , my shoulders are still in pain so i was just resting . this triggered me so much but i think it was a positive trigger .
i just thought this thing _
no one ,absolutely no one knows how much of a struggle and will it takes for me to just get out of bed on my dark days .no one understands the immense anxiesty ,hate ,fear i experience while making a simple phone call ,no one has the littlest idea of the panic and suicidal thoughts i experienced while filling minor google forms , no one knows the mountain of courage it takes to bring yourself out of the darkest pit of your mind .
NONEONE EXCEPT ME .
And if i dont appreciate myself for thse achievements of my life then who will ? seriously who will ? no <i wont compare myself to this random successful girl in my college because she is not me ,and no i will also not compare myself to this ex friend of mine because yes we received the same soil , the same water , the same air and we were seed of the same tree but we are not the same . she defintely had her fair share of struggles and i had mine ,but our paths though overlapped for some time are separate and different . its time to accept this and let this thorn out of my heart . no more looking out of the window to see how far others have drove on . lets look at my brakes , my accelerator , my clutch , my gears and the view outside of my car . the view in front .
getting better is not an event , its a process . its not linear , success comes with sheer hard work , focus , determination, patience AND WITH FAILURE . today is going pretty good . i have no pending tasks(after days)so i am gonna decide my study routine from today (FINALLY). I AM EXCITED TO LEARN WEB DEVELOPMENT AND DSA
22-25, F
