Some people think they understand, but they don’t. [I Feel Like a Failure]
Life is rough. I am feeling really depressed because I can’t find my way, and I feel like there’s no suitable place in this world for me. That sums it up with my career, mainly. I have a degree that got me no job at the end, with no real specialty, and am still stuck in a field I never wanted in the first place. I feel like a complete failure.
I’m told I should teach music when teaching isn’t my passion. I’m also told I have the skills to make it big (all because of my music concentration degree), and I want to laugh because they weren’t there when the 2nd chair of the symphony (my teacher) told me I wasn’t standard. She was also the 1st chair of another orchestra (not going to say which symphony/orchestra she is from), and one of the board members of the music department in the college I attended. She would not sign for me to be a performance major because I flat out wasn’t ready. And this was 2 semesters before I graduated, not enough time for me to prepare. And being that I was already close to $40,000 in student loan debt, I was not going to take an extra 2 years of college for my master’s degree.
So with that being said, I graduated with a bachelors in music concentration, and there was no job at the end of it, and my teacher retired that year. I have not been able to do anything with music since, and am stuck in customer service jobs. I work at home doing technical support over the phone now, after having spent 13 years at a fast food job that got me through college. It’s better pay, but still stressful having to listen to angry customers about their internet and cable being down.
I get so depressed that I cry, because my life is heading in the wrong direction, and I’m too old to be still trying to get noticed. I’m tired of searching for the needle in the haystack of opportunities. It’s all so uncertain!
I’m told I should teach music when teaching isn’t my passion. I’m also told I have the skills to make it big (all because of my music concentration degree), and I want to laugh because they weren’t there when the 2nd chair of the symphony (my teacher) told me I wasn’t standard. She was also the 1st chair of another orchestra (not going to say which symphony/orchestra she is from), and one of the board members of the music department in the college I attended. She would not sign for me to be a performance major because I flat out wasn’t ready. And this was 2 semesters before I graduated, not enough time for me to prepare. And being that I was already close to $40,000 in student loan debt, I was not going to take an extra 2 years of college for my master’s degree.
So with that being said, I graduated with a bachelors in music concentration, and there was no job at the end of it, and my teacher retired that year. I have not been able to do anything with music since, and am stuck in customer service jobs. I work at home doing technical support over the phone now, after having spent 13 years at a fast food job that got me through college. It’s better pay, but still stressful having to listen to angry customers about their internet and cable being down.
I get so depressed that I cry, because my life is heading in the wrong direction, and I’m too old to be still trying to get noticed. I’m tired of searching for the needle in the haystack of opportunities. It’s all so uncertain!
41-45, F
