Owning my past mistakes

At some point last year, I went along with things that I didn't believe/wasn't interested in just to be accepted. The same people whose acceptance I craved still rejected me. I have been deconstructing and getting rid of all the fakeness, but still lie to myself occasionally that I'm into some things that I'm not, just to "save face". Deep down, I know I'm only holding on to those things so that I won't look stupid- I feel ashamed that I have to eat my words. I'm worrying too much about the ridicule that follows with changing my opinions back to who I truly am.

I know I'm being pretty vague but it's for a reason.

Anyway, have you ever faced/done this before? How do you own up and get past that shame?

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SW-User

Idk, it's hard for me to relate because I'm eager and happy to choose my own path, even when people disagree. I didn't and don't always know what is "best" for me but I at least always try to find out for myself.

I genuinely think it's easier for women to be themselves in some ways though. People are always talking about how women feel the need to be accepted because they want to be as appealing as possible and to as many people as possible, but in the context of group relations I think men have more peer pressure and less ability to say "no."

Caraxes · 41-45, M

@SW-User I’m my case I don’t think I have less of an ability to say no as such I just get concerned about the perception of me if I did. I know what I’m trying to say here just not articulating it in a very good way 🤔

Basically I need to grow a pair and stand up to them

SW-User

@Caraxes That "ability" can lose its power when you are afraid of how you'll be perceived though, right? Thinking how your peers will view you, or what they will say, harms your ability to disagree or behave in a different way to them because it becomes more important.

If you find that your thoughts and feelings don't align, you should stand up for yourself...you only get one life to do it in.

Caraxes · 41-45, M

@SW-User I have a different friendship group and I can see the difference I’m far more myself with the other group. My partner sees a difference in me depending which group I have spent time with. One friend in the “good” group is friendly with one of the guys from the other group and he called it out ages ago and independent of my partner..

I’m due to spend time this evening with the “bad” group. Although that could be cancelled as two of them had a big night last night, I’ve seen pictures of the substances they have taken. So chances are they will bail on us.

SW-User

@Caraxes Kind of sad they're still using substances lol...and taking pics of it 😏😆.

Caraxes · 41-45, M

@SW-User I must admit I’ve been guilty of taking stuff in the not too distant past 🙈

SW-User

@Caraxes wow 🙊

Drugs aren't my thing lol

Caraxes · 41-45, M

@SW-User good. They are not big or clever and have fucked with my head somewhat. Haven’t taken them in while though. Hopefully no more

SW-User

@Caraxes I hope you don't take them again ❤️