I have so many self esteem issues because I thought from a young age

That validation was external

But stepdad used to make me feel so bad about myself that I hated myself and even developed an eating disorder that almost took my life twice
I couldn’t even look in a mirror because I hated my outwardly appearance so much

My grandmother and mother were narcissists. And would do anything to tear anyone else now just to make themselves feel better in their sick justification

Little did I know that that was just their own projections of their own self hatred and rejection, and it was not an accurate reflection of who I am or my validation

The reason I fell into a toxic domestic violence cycle was because abuse was what I correlated with love. That is what I expected love to be because that’s all I knew and personally experienced

I based my expectations around relationships based upon my grandparents and my parents model which unbeknownst to me it was extremely dysfunctional

Now I am breaking down these ignorant barriers with self-awareness and self discovery

Validation is not external

There is a purpose to my existence and that purpose is to make it my own. To give it whatever meaning I please

God is the creator and I am the cocreator to my own life

Through all the pain and suffering it’s so easy to choose to be bad and to hurt people and justify it by saying “life isn’t fair” “other people are bad so I will be bad too”

Instead I am stronger and more courageous than anything that tried to break me.

I choose to be change I want to see in the world. I have chosen to be the light. I choose to create something beautiful

🌸 🌺 🌹