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I Cant Change the Past But I Can Change My Future

I was beaten often in childhood and adolescence. My mother showed me no emotion from 5 years on and kept me essentially caged till age 18. Father was absent. It's taken a long time to deal with that. I'm now strongly "anti-violence", and I've slowly learned to sense natural, deep emotions in myself. It's taken a long time. I've only recently learned that my mother and my grandfather both come from families where serious domestic violence was commonplace, to the point where they locked up my grandfather for awhile and our family had to take in grandmother for a couple of weeks on several occasions. We must learn to break these painful and vicious cycles of violence in the family by radically inscribing ourselves against all acts of violence. There are much more intelligent ways of dealing with obedience and differences of opinion.
cool2030 · 36-40, M
@DJsmum2006, thank you. Tears still rose when I read your post, so perhaps this is still not yet all digested. This is the first time I have talked about this in public. But the heading says, "I Can't Change the Past But I Can Change My Future", and I firmly believe that new positive actions are a much better path into the future than dwelling on the past. The past is there to orient us, and our actions today and in the future are here to bring us all a better world.
cool2030 · 36-40, M
To @Silverwings and all the other well-wishers, thank you really very much for your sympathy. All is well now. I have arrived at a much more peaceful existence. Now in retrospect I consider the teachings that still dominate so many families even today, and I shake my head about the ignorance about education methods. I encourage all who are exposed to domestic violence to look seriously for advice online, to discover more intelligent solutions for solving conflicts. I'll just say this: the violence in my family did NOT change me, nor my mother, nor my grandfather into more pliant persons. On the contrary, ALL OF US, as well as my brother, were radicalized and became rebels, which made life much more difficult for all of us. Fortunately, when I came out of my family, I had a couple of friends who saw right through the situation and who took the time to explain things to me. That straightened me out, and eventually I found a much better and richer path towards a life in positive interaction with my environment.
Boshie · 70-79, F
I am also sorry that you were mistreated, and had no freedom. At least you know how to prevent this from happening if you have children.
My father never spanked any of his 5 children, because he had been physically abused. My mother occasionally swatted us with a fly swatter. She had vericose veins, because her father had hit the back of her legs with a stove poker tool.
There is always a better way to discipline children. I am glad that you revealed your past, since it might help others.
I'm so sorry for your past. Please get the help you need so that you are completely healed if you still struggle with the memories. Be a voice for homes with domestic violence. You can make a difference in someone else's life. Sometimes we go through things to help others. I commend you for fighting to get to a better place.
cool2030 · 36-40, M
Yes @Silverwings, it's time to move on. Thanks for the quotes, I've marked the page. After "coming out" on the violence story yesterday, I have felt a great relief. There is so much to live for once you're free of your past pains!
Silverwings · 61-69, F
Chapter 23

1 (A Psalm of David.) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
FallenxShane · 22-25, M
I have done things I can't take back, it has caused me to be depressed, mentally ill and at one point suicidal thoughts, I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel
cool2030 · 36-40, M
One more thought on this theme: I know I am not an angel. Like most other kids, I did some things that did not exactly win prizes. But instead of being beaten and sent to my room, I think the following would have been better: be sent to my room to let off steam for 5-10 minutes and to think about what I'd done, then have an honest chat with mom or dad about what was done and why. Instead, they simply let me get more steamed up and profoundly angry at them for hours on end, which ultimately led to many negative actions later on.
Rootstoblossom · 46-50, F
Thanks for sharing your story. I know it isn't easy. You are strong to want to raise awareness and break the cycle
Havegreatfriends · 46-50, FVIP
I'm sorry you went through that. You're right there are much better ways to deal with differences of opinion.
Silverwings · 61-69, F
Cool I am sooo happpy for you, and I sincerely hope your life gets gooder and gooder!!!:)

And Shane there is life at the end of the tunnel, forgive yourself and anyone who hurt you, and Live, Love & Laugh.
Silverwings · 61-69, F
Fallen Shane & Cool, this is for you!!

Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, put the past behind you and be all you can be.
cool2030 · 36-40, M
@Fallen-Shane, write more. You are not alone.

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