"You're perfect the way you are" is such a disgusting statement. You have the potential to be much more.
31-35, M
ArishMell · 70-79, M
Mmmm. I think you have a point there!
I must admit I'd not thought of that way. It is of course meant nicely but would your second sentence be any better as a compliment?
It rather puts the remark in the same "well-meant-but..." category of back-handed compliments and clumsy attempts at encouragement as, "You can do anything if you only put your mind to it" - a patronisng accusation of idleness.
Indeed, "You have the potential..." and "You can do anything..." say much the same thing!
I must admit I'd not thought of that way. It is of course meant nicely but would your second sentence be any better as a compliment?
It rather puts the remark in the same "well-meant-but..." category of back-handed compliments and clumsy attempts at encouragement as, "You can do anything if you only put your mind to it" - a patronisng accusation of idleness.
Indeed, "You have the potential..." and "You can do anything..." say much the same thing!
Magenta · F
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Therealsteve · 31-35, M
@kimmy159 i never actually used the word 'happiness' though :) a lot of life is suffering and mundanity. If your goal in life is to be happy, then you are ironically going to find yourself depressed.
If, however, you find something with enough meaning, or if you take on enough responsibility, then you'll find that when life's inevitable suffering rears it's head, you'll have a strong reason to carry that suffering and not give up.
It's interesting that you mention studies on children though, I'm an educational psychologist who never stops updating myself on related courses and so studies on the feelings of children is something I read up on every day. In fact, I was just awarded by the College of West Lancashire for my work on early years neuroscience :D
If, however, you find something with enough meaning, or if you take on enough responsibility, then you'll find that when life's inevitable suffering rears it's head, you'll have a strong reason to carry that suffering and not give up.
It's interesting that you mention studies on children though, I'm an educational psychologist who never stops updating myself on related courses and so studies on the feelings of children is something I read up on every day. In fact, I was just awarded by the College of West Lancashire for my work on early years neuroscience :D
kimmy159 · F
@Therealsteve That’s really interesting and congratz with the award!
The only thing I would argue is that finding something worth while does not work for everyone. I’m pretty convinced I already had an existential crisis from about 15 years old until I was 22 because I could not “find” meaning in anything and because nothing made me happy to be alive.
Nothing worked, anti depressiva, psychologists, sports, diets, etc.
What only helped me was saying to myself: look you have this life some people would have probably fought for to gain. You are going to be miserable for most of the time. Can’t find meaning? Then create it by setting goals and obtain them. Still not enough? Create something to live for instead. De-focus from yourself, make it secundary importance.
So I got married and had a son.
This works, my son is the light of my life and the reason I push through in everything.
I work as a finance / hr director because I push myself very hard at work. When others stop at 5 and say they are closed to burn out because of the insane pressure in the company, I’m the one having phone calls with them to be their steady support.
I follow free webinars about law updates in several countries we are active in and am the driving motor to have everything compliant. I write out the policies and procedures, cross check them with lawyers and then roll them out for colleagues to follow.
However even so, you still need a balance. You need to create happy moments for yourself and relaxation or you will find yourself burned out some day if the idea is always to do more than you’re doing now ^^ I feel for myself I can’t take on “more” anymore since all my time goes to work and family, and just a little to myself.
that’s why I think some things should definitely be enough 😃
The only thing I would argue is that finding something worth while does not work for everyone. I’m pretty convinced I already had an existential crisis from about 15 years old until I was 22 because I could not “find” meaning in anything and because nothing made me happy to be alive.
Nothing worked, anti depressiva, psychologists, sports, diets, etc.
What only helped me was saying to myself: look you have this life some people would have probably fought for to gain. You are going to be miserable for most of the time. Can’t find meaning? Then create it by setting goals and obtain them. Still not enough? Create something to live for instead. De-focus from yourself, make it secundary importance.
So I got married and had a son.
This works, my son is the light of my life and the reason I push through in everything.
I work as a finance / hr director because I push myself very hard at work. When others stop at 5 and say they are closed to burn out because of the insane pressure in the company, I’m the one having phone calls with them to be their steady support.
I follow free webinars about law updates in several countries we are active in and am the driving motor to have everything compliant. I write out the policies and procedures, cross check them with lawyers and then roll them out for colleagues to follow.
However even so, you still need a balance. You need to create happy moments for yourself and relaxation or you will find yourself burned out some day if the idea is always to do more than you’re doing now ^^ I feel for myself I can’t take on “more” anymore since all my time goes to work and family, and just a little to myself.
that’s why I think some things should definitely be enough 😃
Infamous607 · 46-50, M
SunshineGirl · 36-40, F
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