I Selfharm
Self hate. Such a strong word. A word that evokes different taught in different people. God knows there is no way to save us, all desperately trying to win a war that can't be won.
You tell me I say I am ugly to get compliments but what you do not know is the truth behind the word. Don't worry the shadows in my dreams do not fail to remind me. There is no fight in me left to deny their words.
You tell me I cut for attention. But you are wrong once again and no.. it is not because I want to kill myself. It is because I am trying so desperately to stay alive. I am here living, but there is nothing in my eyes.
You tell me I push everyone away. Once more you are wrong. Time after time I am faced with the same lies.” I understand”, “ I will never leave”, “ You are beautiful just the way you are” . LIES. Because you will soon notice just how hideous my scars really are. How my insecurities really do define me. How there always seems to be dark circles under my eyes and lines across my chapped lips. Just like that.. You will fall out of love with me. They all do.
You tell me all these things. But you do not know me. You never did. You never understood. No one does. Because I will never stay new forever. You will get bored of all my tricks that once amazed you.
So don’t tell me to stop destroying myself. Is is the only thing I am good at. It is the only thing keeping me alive.
You tell me I say I am ugly to get compliments but what you do not know is the truth behind the word. Don't worry the shadows in my dreams do not fail to remind me. There is no fight in me left to deny their words.
You tell me I cut for attention. But you are wrong once again and no.. it is not because I want to kill myself. It is because I am trying so desperately to stay alive. I am here living, but there is nothing in my eyes.
You tell me I push everyone away. Once more you are wrong. Time after time I am faced with the same lies.” I understand”, “ I will never leave”, “ You are beautiful just the way you are” . LIES. Because you will soon notice just how hideous my scars really are. How my insecurities really do define me. How there always seems to be dark circles under my eyes and lines across my chapped lips. Just like that.. You will fall out of love with me. They all do.
You tell me all these things. But you do not know me. You never did. You never understood. No one does. Because I will never stay new forever. You will get bored of all my tricks that once amazed you.
So don’t tell me to stop destroying myself. Is is the only thing I am good at. It is the only thing keeping me alive.
22-25, F