Why doesn’t it hurt anymore

Relapsed pretty recently. Cut deeper than I used to. Didn’t feel a thing. It made me weirdly upset that hurting myself didn’t hurt the way it was supposed to. Receiving pain is the one thing I can control, and if I lose that I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’m so mad over it, I don’t know if I can even make it through one day of sobriety.