What a bipolar should do ?

Well I have been depressed my whole life and now I am bipolar. Why these things always choose me..my loved ones are afraid of me now. I am agressive, I threat , i shout i overreact. sometimes I hate everyone but the very next moment i apologize. No one understands. Everyone is leaving.they are tired of me now. Ofcourse not their fault. Why would anyone tolerate such a person. Nobody wants such burden. People tried to be with me and now they are leaving. I am all on my own and i dont know where to start. How to cure it. Cant afford a pcychologist right now. What to do?