What do I do??

I know the feeling. I'm almost a year clean, and I've had anxiety attacks and breakdowns that get more severe the closer I get to that number. It's killing me not doing it. You just have to keep fighting though. You've made it so far already and how far you've come is an incredible accomplishment. I haven't been clean from self-harm longer than I am now since I was a kid. You can do this. Draw, color, listen to music, talk to a friend, go for a walk, exercise, watch tv. Distract yourself. Remind yourself how strong you are and how far you've come and how much farther you'll go. I know how hard this can be, but you can do it. You've already proven that.