How to love yourself?

Everything keeps going wrong, I keep hurting people without meaning it....I keep trying to become a better person but I hate myself so much that everything I do is destined to fail and every time I fail I hate myself even more...how do I stop this...? I am scared that I won't ever succeed anything because my self hatred keeps telling me I won't do anything right... I really need help...

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PeanutsauntieP1982 · 41-45, F

You have to learn to accept yourself. You're a flawed human being like the rest of us, and that's OK. YOu also have to learn to believe in yourself, and get out of your own way. Why do you have yourself so much? I promise, you're not as bad as you think you are.

CallMeMono · 26-30

I hate myself so much because I whenever I try to help someone, I end up hurting them

PeanutsauntieP1982 · 41-45, F

How do you hurt them? Emotionally? Mentally? I think you have good intentions, and a good heart, but perhaps you lack insight.

CallMeMono · 26-30

@PeanutsauntieP1982: I love helping others when they need advice but I always say the wrong fucking thing

PeanutsauntieP1982 · 41-45, F

Do you practice mindful speaking? What I do is consider everything I am about to say, say it in my head to hear how it'll sound, then try to reasonably guess how the other person will take it. But sometimes I just don't have anything to say that'll help the situation, so I stay quiet and offer my presence instead.

CallMeMono · 26-30

@PeanutsauntieP1982: I do use that but I always choose wrong

PeanutsauntieP1982 · 41-45, F

So do the opposite of what you usually do, starting now. That seems likea good way to help...do things bass-ackwards if you have to get where you're going.

CallMeMono · 26-30

@PeanutsauntieP1982: I have tried...I failed...cuz I just didn't know what to say but I wanted to help so bad

PeanutsauntieP1982 · 41-45, F

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. So stop seeing "messing up" as being such a bad thing. If you never ever messed up, you'd never ever learn how to correct what you're not doing right. I like to help others too, but sometimes you just have to realize there comes a point when all the words in the world won't do you any good, or the person you're trying to help either.

CallMeMono · 26-30

@PeanutsauntieP1982: I would've been dead already if I stopped trying to help

PeanutsauntieP1982 · 41-45, F

I know how that feels, but sometimes not speaking helps more than speaking. A few years back I was in a bad way after having seen my friends' mom die. I went over to another friends house because she wanted to help me. But rather than use words to try to make me feel better, she just sat with me in silence. I felt better just for her company. D'ya see what I mean?

CallMeMono · 26-30

@PeanutsauntieP1982: but the problem is, most of my friends are online friends, so if I don't reply they think I ignore them