Advice? Heart and Brain at war

Ever since I was a kid I thought that if I worked at a job that included my interests, I would be happy.

That's why I applied at the local library when I was 16. I LOVED books. I dreamt of being a librarian my whole life.

I didn't get accepted. But I did get a job at Borders bookstore when I was 18. Finally, books! I could pretend I was Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

I was a winter temporary, for the holidays. Long days and stocking shelves. I was stock only. Some overnights, I hated it. But, when I talked to customers to find a book, I loved it. But I wasn't hired for that. I was let go after the season for not sticking to what I was hired for. The good part about shelving was I got to see the newest books and read summaries. But..that also slowed me down.

Next was Starbucks. I loved drinking Starbucks. Loved coffee. The first months were heaven. Even just walking in and getting that smell.

I did last 5 years but at a certain point I realized none of the employees cared much. And the customers were...as customers are. Went on autopilot and fizzled out. I was a supervisor by the end but found myself closing the pastry case early, not sweeping the patio, not disciplining people, and it just turned into something I couldn't see myself doing forever. Not at the level that my position should be.

Had an inventory job I liked, few years, but the business closed.

Then I had an opportunity to be a dog groomer assistant.

I LOVE dogs. Perfect. Never thought I could break into this business without experience. Thought it was my hearts calling. A sign.

Turns out, grooming is a SERIOUS business. Even down to just washing the dog.

I'm pretty sure she only hired me because she paid minimum wage and worked out of her house while at the same time finding a proper property for her grooming business, and I was down for that because I loved dogs. Went from $14 an hour to $7.75. Anything for animals right?

Trust me you need schooling before you attempt an assistant groomer job. She had shoulder replacement surgery literally because of her profession.

After 2 weeks I understood why. I was doing a terrible job. Thought I was trying but is it SO much more than you think. She had to come behind me to groom what I missed. I say "groom" lightly. What I mean is that for shedding dogs, they need to be brushed beforehand, and HEAVILY washed, with a grooming glove. Then, drying will usually take forever. Again, she was working out of her basement and the dryer was basically a hose type floor vacuum and she didn't offer the dogs ear protection. So when I said I was "done", she would feel them and say they were still wet, then use a comb to show me all the undercoat I missed, and inspect the ears and say that wasn't enough. All very understandable. After two weeks I was sore as hell and knew I was still not doing a good job so I turned in my notice.

That brings us to 2021.

I finally thought, I just want a cubicle job. I'm an introvert. Perfect.

But.....now 3 years later and, I feel...unfulfilled. Bored. I'm doing well but it feels hollow.

So again I think...."if you could be anything what would you be?" And, I've always liked science.

Well I have always loved pharmaceuticals (not as in taking them) but the effect they have on people. It's fascinating.

I've had the thought to become a pharmacist since my 20s but despised the customer service aspect.

I want to be behind the scenes, in on the science.

Not to sound weird but....particularly brains.

A neuro any thing. Or even someone who just takes scans. Considered going to school for at least a scanning tech?

Or is this just another interest that would be ruined if I try to get into it?

It will obviously take more schooling and work. I'm 35.

It is always at this point that you are at a crossroads.

Heart and brain at war, but now with more experience.

I still don't know which to listen to.

If I wait, am I sabotaging myself?

Or is it logical to just stay where I am comfortable and good at my job?