Why would a guy verbally insult just because you have boundaries and standards

I told him I didn't like his neglect and I said he can leave my life if he doesn't value or want me. I believe he is a narcissist who wanted to control me emotionally.

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CleverFunnyNameGoesHere · F

Yeah. This doesn't sound good. Was he threatening to leave or simply stating that if he didn't value you or want you, he would have left already? Threatening to leave seams he is likely narcissistic. But stating that if he didn't value you he would have left, might be a poor communicator's way of saying that he didn't think he was being neglectful and that he does value and want you otherwise he would have left.

Don't get me wrong. Neither is acceptable. But the second one could be an inept attempt to reassure you that he cares. If that is the case then explaining what he needs to correct will allow him the opportunity to adapt to your boundaries and needs. It is also a good opportunity for you to exchange information about your boundaries and standards.

Although, it could also be a trick a of a narcissist too to try and convince you that they shouldn't have to do anything else because them just being with you is enough and that is not at all true. I wouldn't want to be in your position.

DianaGyana · 31-35, F

@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere it could be a trick of the narcissist, trying to make the target work harder for the narc's attention but the narc will never clean up their act

CleverFunnyNameGoesHere · F

@DianaGyana Exactly. It's hard to tell if it is a clueless dude reacting badly to not realizing he fucked up, or is it a narcissist trying and failing to be manipulative. Either way, after reading what he did, I think she's better off without him.

I had an ex that I was never actually friends with before we started dating and he got all butt hurt when I pointed that out (I only knew him because he had dated a friend, I didn't know him well before he asked me out, and he never made the attempt to really be my friend after we started dating.). Which is why I was initially giving he guy the benefit of the doubt. But after reading what she said he did, he sounds like a narcissist.

DianaGyana · 31-35, F

@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere gfs and bfs that never intend to be your friend sounds like a manipulationship and relationshit🤣🤦‍♀️

CleverFunnyNameGoesHere · F

@DianaGyana Oh yeah. He was a manipulative fucking asshole. Kind of a stalker. And I was only single at the time because he convinced yet another of my boyfriends that I had been secretly having an affair with him. I was basically at whits end and agreed to date him because he wasn't going to let me date anyone else. The fucker. I found out years after the fact that most of my high school thought I'd been dating him instead of my friend.

My biggest regret is that I didn't punch that MoFo in the mouth the first time he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me.

DianaGyana · 31-35, F

@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere preach. I can relate and feel the same.

Justcoolin · 31-35, F

@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere we were friends years ago and I question if he cared about me because of his neglect and failure to let me love him. And what ended our friendship was verbal abuse he came back into my life recently and I still question if he cared. When our friendship ended years ago I started dating someone else. He said he was bitter towards me and his pride caused him to push me away. Now since he came back into my life he wants me to chase him and come out of my femininity. And so I set boundaries stating that if he didn't value me then he can leave but instead of taking accountability and listening to me he cursed me out and renounced our entire friendship. My heart hurts for him because I want to be with him. But I don't know why he verbally insults me. And so the pain of another insult won't let me go back I still love him but I just wanted him to want Me too and to put his pride aside.