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Murder have you ever seriously considered it?

I genuinely consider myself a pacifist, I honestly don't think the death penalty justifiable for even the absolute very worst crimes yet pretty much of no circumstance of my current situation isn't really managing to find me good reasons against murdering my tormentor, this seems as though it's a very genuine option because if I could do it my life would improve immeasurably , obviously to anyone who knows me this is just a completely ludicrous thing because it's just not a me thing, apart from anything else I ain't got what it takes to take this prat down physically never mind mentally, nevertheless it's genuinely looking like if I could it would quite honestly be the best option as being locked up has every chance of being a better quality of life for me than my life is currently and I don't see any other way out from here. I maybe be barking mad but I suspect even in prison you may actually get a whole nights sleep more freakin frequently than around once every three months which is my current norm (I live in such poor quality housing on such a crazy estate that even with a white noise machine going and earplugs in I get woken on average 2-5 times a night every night, that is of course only if I'm very feckin lucky and manage to get back to sleep after the first time I'm awoken each night, and I can not find a way out except waiting this out for at least 4 years (universal credit makes moving not possible) possibly more and I know full well I really can't go on much longer, never mind 4 years. So if I ain't yet managed to bore youse to death have you ever wanted to kill someone and if so why?
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Lostpoet · M
What happens when the tormentor is yourself
AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F
@Lostpoet I'm not tormenting anyone, as someone who doesn't know me I can see why you might think tis me the problem but lest you've experienced someone with narcissitic personality disorder, OCD personality disorder and borderline personality disorder targeting you simply because you exist trust me you don't have any concept of what this does to a fellow human being.

If on the other hand you are asking me to walk a mile in this mans shoes so to speak, trust me I genuinely used to have every sympathy because I don't for one second think that anyone of us that's a bit crazy chooses to be so but after 2 years or pure torture I can't take it anymore and I don't see a single good option or outcome for this, so prey tell me WTF would your personal bright idea be in such a situation?
Lostpoet · M
@AntisocialTroll I think you should leave him. And what I meant about my comment was should someone be able to kill themselves if they are torchering themselves.
AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F
@Lostpoet He's my neighbour not a partner, been to the police, council etc but he's been doing this his whole life, they did manage to evict him once but the constant contact with police/housing office has resulted in a situation where he is now neigh on impossible to evict because he's spent 30 years learning how to torment neighbours without us being able to get evidence against him because the council is so far beyond crap they will not even allow me to install recording equipment in my property to prove my case as the sound insulation here is so very poor I may accidentally record someone else being loud, you really couldn't make this shite up.

As to your comment about if someone should be able to kill em self I personally believe we all have that as a "right" however I'd much prefer better housing, social care, education, support etc as an actual option but those things are no longer available to the vast majority so hence my question....
Lostpoet · M
@AntisocialTroll I think it would be better for you to just move than to kill someone.
AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F
@Lostpoet And if you have no way of moving what then? To move costs me around 2 grand as I'm now too disabled to pack up my own flat so it needs a proper removals firm with packers, thanks to a change in the benefits system this also will cost me the loss of £800 a year in benefits forever more and as an added bonus the benefits changes will mean I would be without any income whatsoever for a full 5 weeks straight after having to borrow the 2 grand I'd need to do the actual move, I really would love it if some bright spark could come up with an answer to my problem but short of being fecking miraculously cured of multiple degenerative ailments that do quite genuinely make it seriously rough coping with my housework so I'm regularly forced to live in squalor as I simply can't afford to pay a cleaner and do useful things like eating too never mind an actual job and being able to work, I would be fascinated. Too add to that I live in social housing in literally one of the worst estates in my country and there is no housing officer to get me moved even if I had the money. So what exactly do you think my options are? Should I perhaps spend every penny of my pittable benefits on the ruddy lotto in case I get lucky and manage to the win the money for a private rental instead? I don't mean to be rude to you me dear but you are clueless when it comes to this.

The real pisser is that this is now the norm for the disabled in the UK, bare in mind the regular benefits reviews where they chuck you off your benefit because hey look you were well enough to move or to have the damn audacity to look well despite being disabled so you must be well enough to work now mustn't you!? That's pretty much yearly too, I'm helluva lucky I only need to fight there decision around 50% of the time so obviously I'ma just raking it in and can afford to pay for a private rental with a deposit.
Lostpoet · M
@AntisocialTroll How is he tormenting you? You should tell a neighbor or someone in person because if I lived next you and you told me this story in person then I'd grab my baseball bat tap on the assholes door with it and give him a good warning once he opened his door that he shouldn't be giving the disabled a hard time and if continuous to do it I'd make sure he got his in the end.
AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F
@Lostpoet Too long and involved to explain the hows, you really wouldn't believe it anyway it's so extreme at times but now others in the building are aware of it and not pleased, this is not good as the sort of place I live in the whole violence thing is very popular!

Much as there are days I'd like to murder the lil fecker meself if someone else hurt him because of my situation I would be genuinely devastated, as awful as he is this bloke is seriously mentally unwell and I don't believe for a second people like him really choose to be as they are. I also really couldn't take the consequences if someone else did him in and had to suffer a prison sentence because he tortures me.