I’m being mentally and emotionally abused and it’s starting to make me suicidal

I can’t get over my ex and he knows that so he keeps torturing me into doing whatever he wants and when I don’t comply, he blocks me and gives me panic attacks because I have bpd. Then when we’re back talking and he’s just being verbally abusive and always yelling and cursing at me. On top of that, I feel like he wants the girl he cheated on me with instead of me and he’s only talking to me because she’s not talking to him. I just feel like I can’t live without him especially because I’m all in this area alone. This is a cry for help