Learning to cope with loneliness?

Not good with the my emotions been wanting to kill myself more then often lately, I think it's because people I actually want in my life keep abandoning me.. I know I'm not good enough for people and it shows because I'm always alone.. I don't think there will be anymore good days for me

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

rckt148 · 61-69, M

Then before you act on you're impulses ,you should call 911 if you live in the states ,or whichever number is for help in you're country
Let them know you are a danger to yourself ,possibly others
They will see that you are seen by someone who may be able to help with medication ,,group meetings ,some even help you find better living conditions
If you entertain thoughts of self harm ,they get worse
We can control how we feel to an extent ,and the things we allow ourselves to think
I am alone 5 days a week ,,and a disease is eating my spine
I am no longer able to do the things I love to do ,or work the jobs I love
But you are way to young for giving up ,,you just need some help
Someone who can help you look for other options
Until you learn to love yourself ,,its hard to get others to see you have value
If you don't think you're worth the effort ,,why should anyone else ?
We do live in a Me Me Me world
So many are hung up on how bad life sucks for them
They can't see ,,there are lots of people who have it worse
and their pity party ,is just a little selfish
I would kill for a healthy back ,,and a doctor who could install it

SnoopDawg · 26-30, M

If I could donate my spine I would, I'm tired of living it's the same shit every time I try to be content with life I don't see the value in anything because everything is shit to me@rckt148

rckt148 · 61-69, M

@SnoopDawg I do understand ,I am sure you feel no one can
but you do not want to hear my life story but if you will indulge me ,I will share some of it ,,
I lost a brother to suicide ,,and he had everything to live for ,
He was living in my home with my ex ,,a house I worked hard to pay for with a bad back
And my Dad hauls me off like a stray dog ,,he was afraid I would kill him ,,
8 yrs later my second wife asks me to leave a second home I just paid off
So I have worked hard trying to make others happy ,and I felt all I had to show for it was a bad back ,,but then I found my kids my first wife hid from me for 12 years
So I never felt anyone wanted me ,everyone abandoned me
So I raised my own family ,,the 10 yrs with my first wife and the 15 with my sons Mom was not a total waste after all
Now they are my life and my grandkids ,,and I am finally happy with myself

Being told as a child I would never amount to anything effected me deeper then anyone knew ,,and it was not letting go of our childhoods ,that effected not only me ,it effected my brothers too
But only we can change it
After I lost my second wife I did seek out help
and I was healed of all my addictions ,,(very expensive habits )
I was the Dad for my kids ,no one ever was for me

I know everyone is not me ,and not all stories have happy endings
But when you give up before you even try ,,
I can't tell you all the ways I have tried to off myself ,,and not have it be outright suicide ,,they said I had a death wish ,and they were right
(I admit that to very few people ) I prefer they think I was heroic ,,LOL )

But at 34 my life totally changed ,,and now with 12 decompressed discs
both knees bone to bone ,and spurs in both shoulders ,,a collapsed lung
3 heart attacks ,,now I fight to live ,,,even though everyday is like I have been hit by a truck
I sought help .more then once actually
until 5 yrs ago when a doctor was going to prove once and for all that I was still an addict ,and all my pain was in my head ,,
So he ordered a full body MRI ,,thats how I know now all the things that are wrong with me
Now I can finally get help
Can you imagine serving you're country to come home to be told there is nothing wrong with you ,,that you only want drugs ,,
So you're women keep leaving you ,,they don't want a drug addict and a drunk
Maybe I am a different kind of man ,,
I am in severe pain as I type this to encourage a stranger
Telling him I know its tough ,,but if you seek help
maybe you can turn things around ,,I was 34
maybe you won't be so stubborn and take so long
or chose the selfish road my brother took ,,it still hurts me

I am the one who was left to raise him ,,I feel I failed him
but he had way more opportunity then I had
I guess I made my own ,,and he cried he never had any
Same Mom ,,2 totally different sons ,,3 actually ,,the one still alive
has cried for 58 yrs ,no one ever gave him a chance ,,he is a liar
His woman has supported him for 20 yrs
See he finds women that will put up with him ,,
I always find ones who leave me ..but I'm not a quitter
I have 4 awesome kids out of the deal ..and 6 grand kids
It wasn't a total loss ,,I raised people who love me
And now I live to make them proud as they make me

I hope one day I get to read you're "I overcome it "story
I wish you all the luck in the world ,,I would seek some help
and stop entertaining the negative impulses and thoughts
before they finally kill you ,,and please forgive my bluntness
and my long ass ,,cut way down story
If I didn't care ,I wouldn't have wasted the time
or put myself through the pain typing is causing me tonight

I tried to work a little today ,,just so I could feel useful
When life really sucks is when you have pushed yourself so long
and now everything I want to do causes me pain ,,
But at least I'm not ready to quit yet
I outlived a lot of good men ,,there must be a reason for it
I can endure the pain ,,so its quitters who have not even tried to live yet
that make me say ,,and wish I had their spines
I could be an over the hill "Rock Star "again ,,like Jaggar ,and Paul