Does this interview request sound ok?

Hello Sara,

My name is______ and i am an aspiring health care professional.
I am a graduate of _______ where i received a bachelor's of public health.
I currently work in a hospital call-center but I am more interested in working face-to face and hands on with students, faculty, and staff.

I have recently applied for the ______ position in [department] and would like to schedule an interview with you.
I want to be respectful to my current employer, so is it possible for me to schedule an interview after 4:30 pm, any day of the week?

Thank you

My Name

Does it need more 'fluff'? I wanted it to be short and simple...

*** Also, should I attach my resume?

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Shell · 31-35, F

I think this was short, straight to the point and shows ambition and at the same time courtesy to your employer. I think you should add although you want be respectful of current employer, you are open to do the interview at a time of this person's convenience. Also add your contact no. and email

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@Shell well someone above told me if they contact me then I can mention the 'respectful to current employer' bit. I'm sending the email so they'll have my email. I can't answer the phone at work so I'd rather them email me.