Does this interview request sound ok?

Hello Sara,

My name is______ and i am an aspiring health care professional.
I am a graduate of _______ where i received a bachelor's of public health.
I currently work in a hospital call-center but I am more interested in working face-to face and hands on with students, faculty, and staff.

I have recently applied for the ______ position in [department] and would like to schedule an interview with you.
I want to be respectful to my current employer, so is it possible for me to schedule an interview after 4:30 pm, any day of the week?


Thank you


My Name

Does it need more 'fluff'? I wanted it to be short and simple...

*** Also, should I attach my resume?