Is this a form of self harm?

I had acrylic nails and I had one left. It wasn't loose but I started picking the ends of it to lift it. I kept pulling it until it came off. Like I would pull it a it then stop then pull it more until it eventually came off. It even ripped the top part of my nail off. Even though it hurt as I was pulling I still wanted it off. It's like I wanted to feel pain. Also today in the shower I put my arm under the hot water for like 2 seconds on purpose. I do suffer from anxiety, depression and ocd.

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Miram · 31-35, F

were you overwhelmed with emotions and doing this calms you down ?

summerlove · 31-35, F

@Miram it's weird because feeling pain kind of makes me feel better in a sense.

Miram · 31-35, F

@summerlove which thoughts did you have if you remember?

summerlove · 31-35, F

@Miram I don't know if I feel like I deserve to feel pain or if it's you hurt yourself and tolerate it you're strong and tough. I think it's the combination of the two it's weird I know.

Miram · 31-35, F

@summerlove Not weird to me. Yes, it's self harm and it can get worse if you don't get it under control since the very beginning. Are you seeing a therapist or anyone helping you?

summerlove · 31-35, F

@Miram no I haven't told anyone about it. I just keep things like this to myself.

Miram · 31-35, F

@summerlove How about for anxiety, depression and ocd? Were you diagnosed and is being treated?

KayraJordyn · F

Reach out to someone, boo. @summerlove

summerlove · 31-35, F

@Miram yeah I have been to a psychologist and was diagnosed with them all. I just had so many family issues over the years too which didn't help. I had self esteem issues. My hair started to thin and I was losing it. So many things that contributed to my depression.

Miram · 31-35, F

I am sorry you are dealing with so many struggles all at once.

I agree with kayra. You need guidance and consistent support to figure out the path you'll have to take for your recovery.

Most of us here do actually. Nothing can really be achieved alone even if we suffer no mental/physical health illnesses.

You can start with a free trained active listener:
https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/

Please click the filters button to have access to more options. I would choose someone with the most cheers and training.

summerlove · 31-35, F

@Miram thank you I appreciate it.

Miram · 31-35, F

@summerlove You are welcome ❤