One of my fears is to be too much on people.

I was always secretive as a child, teenager and young adult.
I always feared talking because I was either scared of judgement, comparison, or straight out disregarding my pain.
So even though I put this brave, cheerful façade I had always felt like life is too much, that I'd be better off not existing. I even asked mom when I was 09 or so why don't I go back to her belly?
And of course, internally, things got worse as I grew up.
I never realized that those thoughts were not okay until the couple past years. Perhaps they were the early signs of my Bipolar 2? I kind of regret not seeking help when I noticed things were starting to be wrong. I just carried the weight and moved on.

Now as an adult, I've been diagnosed with these mental illnesses and been prescribed antidepressants (which I am still trying to accept), and still when I talk I feel so reluctant.

A couple people here encourage me to open up, and I did... but it feels like it's wrong. Like I'm being too much. Like people are not supposed to hold this much of my pain on their shoulders.

I have an appointment with a new therapist in a week. I don't even know what I'm supposed to say.