When I was about 9 years old my dad had a talk with me

He said it wasn't appropriate for me to sit on his lap anymore because I was becoming a "young lady". Well I know why he did that now, but back then it was kind of sad and I felt like he maybe didn't like me anymore. It was awful!

And now that I'm an adult, I realize that that talk he had with me has sort of planted a seed in my subconscious mind, an idea that physical affection (esp me being in someone's lap) is a shameful thing. Like, my bf wants me to be on top sometimes, and I'm too afraid to do it, both for this reason and because I feel like I'm too heavy and will hurt him.