Today has not been an easy day.

I guess I thought in adulthood, I was past the point of losing friends but It seems that I’m at the very peak of that time and I never know if I should assume I’m the problem or if it’s the outside factors that are making too great an impression.

You often hear, “why do you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you?”, and idk why the desire is instilled but it’s a difficult one to shake. I don’t know if it’s my deeply rooted need to be liked, if I have this thought that they do want to be friends but there’s some mysterious reason why they can’t be or if I just refuse to recognize that I’m the problem.

Irregardless of the reason, the blow of the “abandonment” (yes, I chose the most dramatic word because of the pain I’m in) by my “friends”, is just too much to take sometimes.

I’m just tired of feeling so incredibly alone.