I Need Advice

I need a little advice...
The mother to my boyfriend’s child is weary about bringing their son around me. I’m all for it. My boyfriend is all for it. We’re planning our future and we want his son to be apart of it. But the mother is already even starting to not let my boyfriend see their kid much either. So besides the fact that he’s going to take her to court at some point, he also wants to get a paternity test. Just to be safe. I just want to know how I can make her feel comfortable with letting me see the little guy. I told him on multiple occasions that I’d bite my tongue around her and be nice even when she’s not when she brings him over for Christmas dinner. And he’s in love with the idea of me being his son’s step mom one day just as I am. But I also want to know if I shouldn’t be too kiss ass with her? Should I tell her how I feel and make her aware that since I’m in my boyfriend’s life, I should be apart of their son’s life too. And make my point clear. Or should I smile and nod, in hopes that she’ll accept me that way too. Either choice, I’m gonna be as nice as expected.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!

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room101 · 51-55, M

In break-ups involving children, people quite often use those children as a weapon against their former partner. Putting that aside in the hope that this is not the case in your situation, you need to understand that every parent has the right, and the duty, to protect their child in every way. To protect their child from physical and emotional and psychological harm.

So, how does the mother know that you will be in her son's life forever? At some point, she would have believed the she and your boyfriend were forever too. Obviously that didn't work out.

Now, she has to decide if she can allow her child to become emotionally attached to somebody. Only to find that that somebody is no longer there.

Bottom line, you need to give the mother all the time she needs to accept you. And remember, if it were the other way round, if the mother had met somebody who she wanted in her sons life, your boyfriend would be just as reticent about the whole idea as the mother is about you.

hotgirlbummer · 22-25, F

I understand that completely. I just want her to know where I’m coming from at the least. And then as she forms her opinion of me, I’m only going to respect her wishes as a mother. I can really only hope for the best. And you’re right, we could end up breaking up. and that could affect their son and her opinions on where things should go next. But then again, I really do believe everything happens for a reason even though nothing is set in stone, thank you for the advice! It helps! @room101

room101 · 51-55, M

@hotgirlbummer I hope that I (and the others here who have given you some good advice) have been of help to you and have made this tough dilemma a little easier for you.

You seem like a smart and caring person. I wish you, your boyfriend, his son and the boys mother all the best.

Good luck.