I Need Advice

I need a little advice...
The mother to my boyfriend’s child is weary about bringing their son around me. I’m all for it. My boyfriend is all for it. We’re planning our future and we want his son to be apart of it. But the mother is already even starting to not let my boyfriend see their kid much either. So besides the fact that he’s going to take her to court at some point, he also wants to get a paternity test. Just to be safe. I just want to know how I can make her feel comfortable with letting me see the little guy. I told him on multiple occasions that I’d bite my tongue around her and be nice even when she’s not when she brings him over for Christmas dinner. And he’s in love with the idea of me being his son’s step mom one day just as I am. But I also want to know if I shouldn’t be too kiss ass with her? Should I tell her how I feel and make her aware that since I’m in my boyfriend’s life, I should be apart of their son’s life too. And make my point clear. Or should I smile and nod, in hopes that she’ll accept me that way too. Either choice, I’m gonna be as nice as expected.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!

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djjohnson · 41-45, M

You can ask her if she wants the father to be involved in the boys life or not. If she does that she needs to accept you since you are a part of his life too. She can’t pick and choose what parts of him to have involved. If she doesn’t then you know she is only trying to use you as an excuse to keep him away from the kid.

hotgirlbummer · 22-25, F

That’s true. I don’t want him to grow up not having his father or possibly I in his life because of a hasty decision she made out of spite. @djjohnson

djjohnson · 41-45, M

@hotgirlbummer thé thing to keep in mind is that most likely it has nothing to do with you. What is going on between you man and his ex is between them. All you can do is support him. And try not to take anything she says or does towards you as the real problem. There is something deeper going on.

hotgirlbummer · 22-25, F

Yeah I guess you’re right. That’s why I only want to respect her and gain her respect too. @djjohnson

djjohnson · 41-45, M

@hotgirlbummer is wait until he and the mother have things worked out first. Until then if she doesn’t respect him then there is no way she’ll respect you.

hotgirlbummer · 22-25, F

Okay. Thanks for the advice! It really does help! @djjohnson

djjohnson · 41-45, M

@hotgirlbummer NP! Anytime!