I hate everything
How am I supposed to love myself when I’m always a second or third choice? I’m always the dorky friend. I’m always the one that people come up to asking for “The hot friends number.” Don’t get me wrong I love my friends. They’re great. And they are beautiful. But I’m sick and tired of not being the one that people want. When I have so much to offer. And the ones that do want me end up taking me for granted and treating me badly.
This feeling resurfaced because I had been talking to someone for a while. And they told me they loved me. And they said that I was pretty. Then I sent them a picture of my friend and I from our hike. And first thing they said was “Wow your friend is hawt.” I responded “lol she’s engaged.” And he goes “I bet she is. I’d put a ring on that.” And I just hated it so much. Like really? That deep of feelings from a picture? For all he knows she’s a bitch. (She’s not). I know her. She’d never put up with his drinking. Or him smoking weed. Or watching porn. They’d never work out. But now he’s all head over heels for someone he only saw a picture of. And it made everything he ever said about finding me pretty and liking me go out the window. Because once again, it just showed I’m not even his first choice. I’m only the one someone wants until someone “better” comes around and I get put on the back burner.
Is is so bad I just want to be somes first choice? Not first love. But first choice. I don’t want to be with someone where I fear they see someone pretty and think “oh wow wish I could be with her, but I’m stuck with this one…” this is so stupid I know. But doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt so bad.
This feeling resurfaced because I had been talking to someone for a while. And they told me they loved me. And they said that I was pretty. Then I sent them a picture of my friend and I from our hike. And first thing they said was “Wow your friend is hawt.” I responded “lol she’s engaged.” And he goes “I bet she is. I’d put a ring on that.” And I just hated it so much. Like really? That deep of feelings from a picture? For all he knows she’s a bitch. (She’s not). I know her. She’d never put up with his drinking. Or him smoking weed. Or watching porn. They’d never work out. But now he’s all head over heels for someone he only saw a picture of. And it made everything he ever said about finding me pretty and liking me go out the window. Because once again, it just showed I’m not even his first choice. I’m only the one someone wants until someone “better” comes around and I get put on the back burner.
Is is so bad I just want to be somes first choice? Not first love. But first choice. I don’t want to be with someone where I fear they see someone pretty and think “oh wow wish I could be with her, but I’m stuck with this one…” this is so stupid I know. But doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt so bad.
26-30, F
