I truly do hate the kind of place I've seen my mind turn into this year.

Not that it was ever going to be a paradise. But there was feeling like true progress had been made. There are always challenges and threats. I feel like I haven't put up much of a fight. Perhaps I've mustered all that I could muster but it just feels like lately it's getting knocked down again and again. I feel like the thoughts have grown sadder and darker. Taking my mind to places that I truly believed I had escaped. It makes me feel defeated to keep being taught that it is always going to have a permanent home. Always going to be there to test me.