I am a horrible person

I just realised I am a bad person, I did some big mistakes that hurt some of my best friends and I will never get over it. I talked behind their back about their problems with my other best friends because I knew I could trust them, but they weren’t my secrets/problems, they were theirs it was none of my business and now they hate me and they have all the right to do it. I hate myself too, I wish I could just vanish from the earth, I can’t live with myself anymore, my life will be a nightmare from now on and i deserve it.