you know you really make me hate myself

hello, first post on here!!! thank you for taking the time to read this if you are <3 so basically, ig from the title you can kind of tell what i wanna talk about. I actually hate myself sometimes. Whenever I look at my friends, with their boyfriends and excelling good grades, and them just being happy in general, I obviously would feel happy for them. However, I realise there is this small part in me that feels sad and angry at myself. Obviously, I'm not blaming this on my friends or anything, but I just feel so angry at myself sometimes, why can't I be like them? Why doesn't any guy like me? Why am I like this? Plus, sometimes I show my anger directly, and I feel like that makes them judge me, they don't say it but I'm sure they all secretly dislike it or something. I really just don't know what to do anymore. Day by day, I hate myself even more. A few days ago, I cried in school, and don't get me wrong, I'm not the type to cry in school. I just couldn't hold it in anymore due to all the things going on in my life. My friends tried to reassure me, which I am thankful of. However the way they reassured me kind of disappointed me, I'm not trying to hold any expectation or whatever, I just somehow felt disappointed, as they ended up turning the conversation to themselves to reassure me. Of course, I felt happy for their achievements, but at that moment where I was completely broken and crying, I obviously wasn't in a mood to reply. So I just kept quiet. But I now hate myself for that reaction of not replying, as I feel like I made her feel like I didn't care. I do, but I just wasn't in the mood then. God, sometimes I really hate myself for things like these.