Self Hatred

It's not so much hating myself but what's happening to me that I can't control... Between bipolar disorder and chronic illness I deal with it can be a lot too handle... I'm a homemaker but it's a full time job juggling them both.... I hate it so much I've tried ending things several times... I just wanted it all to stop... Stopping it was the one way I had to control anything... Some of us our life belongs to the illness not ourselves... Unfortunately I'm one of those people....If it wasn't for my health I think I could be happier ; instead of just finding small moments of happiness...