I Hate Myself

Just a warning- This might be long and you don't have to reply if you don't want to. I am just ranting and hoping to find someone who maybe can relate to me.

I look in the mirror and I see the flaws. I see a person who has lost hope. I see a person that from a young age, had this self hatred that was slowly developing over time and continues to get worse each day.

My friends make me feel like I am not wanted. I compare myself to them all the time and compared to them I feel like I am nothing.

I overeat daily because I lost respect for myself. I believe that being postive helps but when I put positive thoughts next to my negative ones it all feels pointless, because in the end I feel like a waste of space.

I feel unlovable. I feel like I am nothing special. I feel like a fat piece of crap that has no future. My family doesn't think I have a future either anyway.

Truth is that I don't like the word hate. I feel like it is too powerful of a word. I don't even hate the one person that hurt me the most in this world but I do hate myself.