I Hate Myself

Just a warning- This might be long and you don't have to reply if you don't want to. I am just ranting and hoping to find someone who maybe can relate to me.

I look in the mirror and I see the flaws. I see a person who has lost hope. I see a person that from a young age, had this self hatred that was slowly developing over time and continues to get worse each day.

My friends make me feel like I am not wanted. I compare myself to them all the time and compared to them I feel like I am nothing.

I overeat daily because I lost respect for myself. I believe that being postive helps but when I put positive thoughts next to my negative ones it all feels pointless, because in the end I feel like a waste of space.

I feel unlovable. I feel like I am nothing special. I feel like a fat piece of crap that has no future. My family doesn't think I have a future either anyway.

Truth is that I don't like the word hate. I feel like it is too powerful of a word. I don't even hate the one person that hurt me the most in this world but I do hate myself.

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LittleRee · 26-30, F

@Springs Don't worry :) I write long replies too! For me I occasionally talk to my old high school friends but they always make me feel unwanted with how they treat me and I feel kinda like a 3rd wheel with them.
I am close to one old high school friend but they are busy so we don't speak much so we speak online so I can kinda relate to that. I only have one really good friend I met online who I have been speaking to for a long time but that's it really.
I used to do theatre and I left because I began to hate it. I felt like nobody wanted to know me and like I was invisible so I have had a feeling of being invisible before. It sucks.
I go in patterns too. One day I feel motivated to change and become a whole new person but it either doesn't last or I will break down the next day and be upset again.
I hope things will improve for us both someday :)
Feel free to message me any time and maybe we can let out our feelings together if you want.