A question about Fifty Shades of Grey
Did not see the movie. Tried to read and only got to page seven -- it was that bad. So all my knowledge of the movie is second hand. See my actual question in my comment below.
70-79, M
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greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
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BSTisapain
Has anyone actually READ it? AND understood any of it? :(
Seems to me the people who are most capable of understanding it are extremely hostile to it - I know a couple of people who've manage to plod through most of the books, and they're all really angry at the way the scene is portrayed. Someone on fetlife the other day said that the "dom" gets "cured" at the end - wtf? Dominance is NOT an illness! Neither is submissiveness!
But most people I know who've tried to read it gave up in disgust - and me? I wouldn't waste money on it, partly because it sounded like masturbation fodder, and partly because I heard rumours that it gives completely false information about BDSM. I didn't borrow it from the library - like I said, it's masturbation fodder! So although I AM interested in BDSM and D/s, I find it more sensible to find out about things from real live human beings who actually DO these things!
And now the film is out - and what did I do on the day it was released to an avid audience? I went to a BDSM event which was set up to stick two fingers up at Shades! And I indulged in a bit of real action, and saw lots of others do far more!
There was even some kind of blood-play at the end, but my play partner told me not to look, he knows I don't have the stomach for anything piercing the skin...
But it's all consensual, and that seems to be the main problem people have with shades - from what I hear, she never consents, and he pays no attention to her pleas (IF she bothers asking him to stop ...!) We have a safe word, he WILL stop as soon as I say RED, he only does anything to me because I've already consented to it!
You say that you believe the sub has all the power ... I disagree. I don't feel like I have any power, except the power to accept someone as my Dom, and to call a halt to anything if I don't want it - including the relationship. That said, without a sub, what is a Dom? Just a bloke with a penchant for porn and a collection of friends on EP who happen to have naked photos for him to look at! And without a Dom, what is a sub? This is a question that's close to my heart - and I've decided that without a Dom, a sub is nothing.
Seems to me the people who are most capable of understanding it are extremely hostile to it - I know a couple of people who've manage to plod through most of the books, and they're all really angry at the way the scene is portrayed. Someone on fetlife the other day said that the "dom" gets "cured" at the end - wtf? Dominance is NOT an illness! Neither is submissiveness!
But most people I know who've tried to read it gave up in disgust - and me? I wouldn't waste money on it, partly because it sounded like masturbation fodder, and partly because I heard rumours that it gives completely false information about BDSM. I didn't borrow it from the library - like I said, it's masturbation fodder! So although I AM interested in BDSM and D/s, I find it more sensible to find out about things from real live human beings who actually DO these things!
And now the film is out - and what did I do on the day it was released to an avid audience? I went to a BDSM event which was set up to stick two fingers up at Shades! And I indulged in a bit of real action, and saw lots of others do far more!
There was even some kind of blood-play at the end, but my play partner told me not to look, he knows I don't have the stomach for anything piercing the skin...
But it's all consensual, and that seems to be the main problem people have with shades - from what I hear, she never consents, and he pays no attention to her pleas (IF she bothers asking him to stop ...!) We have a safe word, he WILL stop as soon as I say RED, he only does anything to me because I've already consented to it!
You say that you believe the sub has all the power ... I disagree. I don't feel like I have any power, except the power to accept someone as my Dom, and to call a halt to anything if I don't want it - including the relationship. That said, without a sub, what is a Dom? Just a bloke with a penchant for porn and a collection of friends on EP who happen to have naked photos for him to look at! And without a Dom, what is a sub? This is a question that's close to my heart - and I've decided that without a Dom, a sub is nothing.
Lickitysplit · 70-79, M
So from what I am reading and hearing. Christian Grey is an unpleasant, narcissistic, self-centered @sshole who is a sadist in the true sense of the word, not in the fantasy and play sense of BDSM or Dominance and Submission.
My understanding of D/s is that the submissive holds the real power in the the D/s relationship. It is the submissive who sets the objectives of the relationship and defines the rules and the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. The role of the Dominant is to push the submissive up to the defined boundaries, without crossing or exceeding them, and by doing so, to empower the submissive to experience that which he or she is unable to otherwise achieve as a result of emotional constraints created by morality, education, parental expectations, and so forth.
The relationship in Fifty Shades seems to violate every aspect of this D/s paradigm. Thus, what is it that so many women have found to be so exciting or enticing in this movie and this story? In my mind, it really does seem to violate most of what I know about D/s and BDSM fantasy.
My understanding of D/s is that the submissive holds the real power in the the D/s relationship. It is the submissive who sets the objectives of the relationship and defines the rules and the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. The role of the Dominant is to push the submissive up to the defined boundaries, without crossing or exceeding them, and by doing so, to empower the submissive to experience that which he or she is unable to otherwise achieve as a result of emotional constraints created by morality, education, parental expectations, and so forth.
The relationship in Fifty Shades seems to violate every aspect of this D/s paradigm. Thus, what is it that so many women have found to be so exciting or enticing in this movie and this story? In my mind, it really does seem to violate most of what I know about D/s and BDSM fantasy.
conceptualclarity
He may be an assh0le, but he's as rich as he could possibly be! :o)
risenphoenix
I think I made through about 50 pages before trashing the book. I've not seen the movie nor do I plan on seeing it. If the movie is like the book, it too deserves to be trashed, but I know it won't be.
And finally (because this thing could go on FOREVER)..
It’s a book.
A crappily written one that has turned into a softcore porn movie with an exceptionally good release date and some excellently marketed but completely shoddy sex toys. This will affect people in the lifestyle, people who know this book isn’t about us, but a bastardized f**ktale about sparkly vampires. You aren’t going to convince people not to see it, but don’t keep your opinion to yourself if you feel comfortable.
And when this frenzy dies down and no one gives a flying f**k about Christian Grey and his stupid neckties, we can go back to our non-red kink rooms and do what these people on their high horse bitching about BDSM actually want to do, but don’t have the cajones.
And finally (because this thing could go on FOREVER)..
It’s a book.
A crappily written one that has turned into a softcore porn movie with an exceptionally good release date and some excellently marketed but completely shoddy sex toys. This will affect people in the lifestyle, people who know this book isn’t about us, but a bastardized f**ktale about sparkly vampires. You aren’t going to convince people not to see it, but don’t keep your opinion to yourself if you feel comfortable.
And when this frenzy dies down and no one gives a flying f**k about Christian Grey and his stupid neckties, we can go back to our non-red kink rooms and do what these people on their high horse bitching about BDSM actually want to do, but don’t have the cajones.
precious1111
if you are into bondage you might like it, wasn't all too impressed with it
hazeleyes71
The movie only covers the first book ,so more are to come.