I'm sorry to everyone 🙏 truly

I'm sick of being upset. I'm usually so good at acting like everything's fine & I'm failing at that rn.

I don't think drinking is my problem exactly. I think it's a factor, but I think more so, my problem is running away from my feelings & self destructing.
I blame myself & feel like absolute shit, so I treat myself like shit. I'm aware of it then I do it anyway. I'm trying to get better at it 😔

I could make excuse after excuse, I could blame my upbringing, I could blame my past relationships, I could blame a lot of things & I wouldn't be wrong
but fact of the matter is that I need to learn how to handle my emotions. The bad emotions. The ones I can't run away from yet still try to anyway.
Because the shit that really f*cks you up, you can't run from.

I've never had much help in life. I've never had anybody show me how to handle my emotions, get on my feet, do things for myself, be a normal member of society. I got pushed aside then dropped on my ass & had to teach everything to myself. I've struggled so much over the years & I'm still not where I wanna be. But then again, who is?

There's still a lot I'm not good at. My feelings are one of them. I appreciate everyone who's reached out to me & I'm sorry to everyone who's already tired of me 🖤 trust me, I'm tired of me too.
I'm gonna try to knock it off but if I fall apart a little don't mind me ✌️ I'm still just trying to get by. Watch me be okay soon