I'm sorry to everyone 🙏 truly

I'm sick of being upset. I'm usually so good at acting like everything's fine & I'm failing at that rn.

I don't think drinking is my problem exactly. I think it's a factor, but I think more so, my problem is running away from my feelings & self destructing.
I blame myself & feel like absolute shit, so I treat myself like shit. I'm aware of it then I do it anyway. I'm trying to get better at it 😔

I could make excuse after excuse, I could blame my upbringing, I could blame my past relationships, I could blame a lot of things & I wouldn't be wrong
but fact of the matter is that I need to learn how to handle my emotions. The bad emotions. The ones I can't run away from yet still try to anyway.
Because the shit that really f*cks you up, you can't run from.

I've never had much help in life. I've never had anybody show me how to handle my emotions, get on my feet, do things for myself, be a normal member of society. I got pushed aside then dropped on my ass & had to teach everything to myself. I've struggled so much over the years & I'm still not where I wanna be. But then again, who is?

There's still a lot I'm not good at. My feelings are one of them. I appreciate everyone who's reached out to me & I'm sorry to everyone who's already tired of me 🖤 trust me, I'm tired of me too.
I'm gonna try to knock it off but if I fall apart a little don't mind me ✌️ I'm still just trying to get by. Watch me be okay soon

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Reject · 31-35, M

I was never tired of you if that helps anything. I think you’re doing fine, this is still new. I was in your place for two years before I finally stopped.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Reject thanks man. I've been here before, except the first time took me half a year to recover, maybe more. It wasn't til I was sitting in jail one night that I thought to myself "the one person I wanna call more than anything, wouldn't even care anymore". & That really woke me up

Reject · 31-35, M

@ChiefJustWalks That's pretty good honestly. Not too long. You didn’t hurt anyone else. I’d say you’re a great guy having some trouble. There are much worse out there.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Reject I'm still facing the consequences of that arrest 😅 that's the only thing really. But I did that to myself

Reject · 31-35, M

@ChiefJustWalks Still facing consequences? You mean like in your physical health? I have some permanent damages to my body.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Reject nah just the legal shit. But damn man, like what?

Reject · 31-35, M

@ChiefJustWalks Oh, like a permanent record sort of thing. That makes sense. As least it wasn’t a prison sentence. Those criminals aren’t ever fully accepted by society once they get out.

I have a medical condition where my stomach is smaller than the average human so I don’t eat a lot. As great as that might sound, it’s made normal physical things much harder for me because I just don’t have the energy for them without metabolic efficiency.