Struggling with sobriety

so I called my sponsor. While at the park, I stared off at this tree for a while to try and forget about the dreams I'm having every night.

This morning I woke up, 112 days sober.

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Spumoni · 46-50, M

Something I quickly wrote down in my journal from May 30th, 2022. This passage from my AA book really hit home.

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JustGoneNow

@Spumoni I feel very guilty that my fiancée has went through what she’s had to with my mental illness… all just to love me. It’s not fair, and I struggle with that too. I totally get it.

Spumoni · 46-50, M

@JustGoneNow I still have so much guilt that it shows up and weighs me down. You've got a strong woman standing by you.

OldBrit · 61-69, M

@Spumoni also in the big book "... We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."

Took me a fair while until I was able to forgive the person I had the biggest resentments against... ME!

JustGoneNow

@Spumoni she’s an angel. I miss her so much. She visits me here almost daily and it breaks my heart that I can’t go home with her.

Spumoni · 46-50, M

@JustGoneNow Glad to hear she's making visits.

Spumoni · 46-50, M

@OldBrit That's a powerful passage as well. My fellow AA buddies pounded that into my head. Then one day it made sense.

Gangstress · 41-45, F

@Spumoni 💚