I wish I could be religious

Grew up Catholic but as I grew older I became agnostic. But my dad only has weeks to live, from aggressive cancer. It's just breaking my heart and mind. I send out prayer type thoughts to the Universe that he can not be in pain as he faces these final days. I REALLY want an answer why there's so MUCH suffering in the world.

I wish I could just believe or feel he'll be going to Heaven and that his spirit will live in a peaceful place. Even talking about all this is a blur, he was diagnosed just two weeks ago. 😕 And to not be given chemo as a choice, it's been heartbreaking..(they said he is very compromised and the cancer is very aggressive, chemo can kill him ) I don't know how to view this all , when his passing comes..😟