Guys! The rapture is back on!

After much research (none at all) I’ve discovered that God doesn’t use the Gregorian or Julian calendars! Of course, he/him/them/they use the Lunar calendar that he/him/them/they invented! And the new date will be October 26 because reasons!

So if you’re one of the ones who will absolutely positively without a doubt be raptured, can I have your house, cars and life savings please? God wants you to give them to me 🥸

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FoxyQueen · 51-55, F

I have insurance to sell to protect your property after you've raptured to assure they will be safe! Message me for a quote today!

JimboSaturn · 56-60, M

@FoxyQueen I wonder if they have rapture insurance in Texas

FoxyQueen · 51-55, F

@JimboSaturn Jimbo...they have a tourist trap off I40 where you too can pay to drag a gigantic cross along a path in the heat of the desert, just like Jesus did!

I'd be very disappointed if they didn't.

JimboSaturn · 56-60, M

@FoxyQueen Can I carry the cross with my rifle strapped around my back and my MAGA hat?

FoxyQueen · 51-55, F

@JimboSaturn They'd probably give you a discount and a larger cross, brother!

JimboSaturn · 56-60, M

@FoxyQueenMaybe I would get a free flagellation!

FoxyQueen · 51-55, F

@JimboSaturn And stoning as you drag by!

I'm sure they have a package experience for that

FoxyQueen · 51-55, F

@JimboSaturn But you have to bring your own crown of thorns. That's too much of a liability.

JimboSaturn · 56-60, M

@FoxyQueen Luckily I have one already that I used on weekends that I wear when I own the libs in SW, I can tuck it under my MAGA hat.