Am I Normal?

How am I to be expected to just have blind faith? I understand the need for it..but how do people make it seem so easy to do? I feel like im losing a battle within myself, struggling to force myself to believe with a result of pushing it away even more. im trying do do all of the things im supposed to, I go to church, I do my bible study, I even help create lesson plans. I just dont know what to do. I do want to have faith, and I want to be at a healthy place in my religion but it seems that no matter what I do nothing changes and I dont have anyone to talk to about it. am I just crazy or is this part of it?

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DunningKruger · 61-69, M

I think you're not normal, as most people embedded in a cult as you seem to be (they're all cults) doesn't have doubts and just goes ahead with blind faith, duckspeaking the cult's dogma. You sound like you're actually questioning it. You don't want to — you want to be part of this community. But you're too intelligent to just fall for it blindly, and you haven't found a way to make that questioning intelligence and your desire for faith to coexist in your mind.

I hope you find a path to peace within yourself, whatever form that ends up taking.