I had a total meltdown
Once I got Joel and our youngest home I just couldn't do anything anymore. I needed a release
And man did Joel step up. He shouldn't of had too. He was still not 100% but no once again he needed to help me.
We get home and youngest went to his room. He was tired and wanted to nap before dinner.
I was about to lose it. So much anxiety, stress, fear and so many tics held in. Joel took me to our bedroom. Mind you he's still feels like crap. He tells me to let it all out.
I don't want to, I need to look after him, my boy and make sure everything and everyone is ok. And I have not checked on the hamster all day.
You have spent the last 48 hours looking after us and we're all ok. It's your turn now. Let me take care of you, he tells me.
And boy did I. Every tic and outbursts I've been holding back came out. Wow it was a lot. Holding back a tic is like trying to ignore a itch or a sneeze. I really don't think I can explain it to people who don't know what I'm going through. It's hard and it hurts.
And once I finally gave myself the relief I needed all day I stopped, put my hand on my knees and said f@ck me
Joel looks at me and says maybe after the kids are in bed.
This man. Wow after all that. I don't get it. I don't understand how he can be ok with my crazy. How he can love someone who can't keep it together. It shouldn't be about me, it should be about him. How he can joke to try and bring me out of my crazy. I don't deserve him. I really don't. I should do better for him and our kids.
Our night was calm and quiet. Everyone ate dinner and keep it down with the help of the nausea pills from the ER. Everyone is asleep but me.
I am spent, exhausted and out of gas. But still I can't sleep. I can't relax. I'm still worried, stressed and anxious.
And man did Joel step up. He shouldn't of had too. He was still not 100% but no once again he needed to help me.
We get home and youngest went to his room. He was tired and wanted to nap before dinner.
I was about to lose it. So much anxiety, stress, fear and so many tics held in. Joel took me to our bedroom. Mind you he's still feels like crap. He tells me to let it all out.
I don't want to, I need to look after him, my boy and make sure everything and everyone is ok. And I have not checked on the hamster all day.
You have spent the last 48 hours looking after us and we're all ok. It's your turn now. Let me take care of you, he tells me.
And boy did I. Every tic and outbursts I've been holding back came out. Wow it was a lot. Holding back a tic is like trying to ignore a itch or a sneeze. I really don't think I can explain it to people who don't know what I'm going through. It's hard and it hurts.
And once I finally gave myself the relief I needed all day I stopped, put my hand on my knees and said f@ck me
Joel looks at me and says maybe after the kids are in bed.
This man. Wow after all that. I don't get it. I don't understand how he can be ok with my crazy. How he can love someone who can't keep it together. It shouldn't be about me, it should be about him. How he can joke to try and bring me out of my crazy. I don't deserve him. I really don't. I should do better for him and our kids.
Our night was calm and quiet. Everyone ate dinner and keep it down with the help of the nausea pills from the ER. Everyone is asleep but me.
I am spent, exhausted and out of gas. But still I can't sleep. I can't relax. I'm still worried, stressed and anxious.
