Why can't love be real

I've only been used and manipulated. Never loved. I just want to feel safe

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I don't want to love or be loved anymore other than with my children .

I want to care and be cared about

I want to be touch and be touched

I want to feel comfort and provide it as well

I want to see and be seen

I want all this things individually, I know they make up that word, I'd rather have the individual things