Husband is putting in the bare minimum, our relationship feels so dead. He hinks I'm crazy for asking for more of him. Advice?

Husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. He IS still the love of my life. We've had so many ups, and hes been very supportive in my career, and the kids etc but honestly it feels like after we had kids things really went south.

Over the last couple of years I've reached for so much. Thinking if I improve myself or our living conditions, it'll get better. In that short period of time, I've become a multi millionaire through a roofing marketing business I started 5 years ago.

I've taken us on lavish beach vacations 2-3 times a year, paid for everything including lavish gifts for him and the kids at every holiday or birthday party, paid for housekeepers, and babysitters, and fancy dinners.. Ive tried losing weight, doing my makeup differently, my hair differently. Dressing sexy for him...Bought expensive bike equipment so we could all go on fun adventures together, bought wagons to tote our kids around so we could walk and talk...I've tried TELLING him how I feel, about how I just feel like I need more. We've learned each others love languages, which his is acts of service so ive started trying to do things and clean for him, Ive bought card games to initiate conversation but honestly it feels like all of it has failed.

I've broken down upset before just about how there isn't enough in our relationship anymore.. Ive begged.. please just laugh at a joke of mine or laugh with me at something, or tell me I'm beautiful, or engage with me in an interesting conversation, or flirt. He is an introvert, but honestly ive known him at a time where he did flirt and laugh and stuff....I just need something.

Not to ask too too much but lord, could you plan a date? Ill pay for the babysitter...Could you go a step further and offer to pay the tab like a gentleman? or half the tab? Ive felt like even when we do go on dates like its extremely boring. He isnt vulnerable. Everything is robotic. Very dry conversation, not much laughing or joking.
and I am SO unhappy. Our days are the same day in and day out.

He's a great dad. He picks up the kids, he does dishes, he cleans, he helps get them dressed, he remembers things that I dont. Hes amazing in that aspect, and truly the glue sometimes to this family. BUT I feel he's doing the bare minimum in our relationship. Im not sure if im allowed to feel that way considering how amazing of a dad he is, but I do.

I've asked him to go to counseling, but it has to be my job to find and pay for the counselor. Im tired of dancing in circles and doing all the work. And the worst part is, he doesn't see any of it. He doesnt acknowledge any of this or offer solutions except that you know, he feels like its groundhog day with our kids routines.. But other than that, thats the only feedback ive gotten.

Im, sure he thinks I'm being unreasonable and honestly last night I broke down and got really upset about all this. Im on the verge of telling him I want him to move out but I just can't bear the thought of that. I don't want to get a divorce. I imagined us growing old together and having grandbabies etc.

I'm planning to start counseling next week to deal with my resentments. His point of view is that all I do is criticize and put him down. Im at such a loss.

Is it the young kids? Would I just run into this situation again with any other spouse? Could it get better? Have you ever experienced this and made it out and fallen in love again?

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riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

You said your husband is introverted right , and your trying to change him to improve your relationship right .
Im introverted myself at times , and everytime i try to be someone im not i get depressed , especially if someone is trying to take me out of myself cause when im introverted at times im very content by myself (at times) .
I was in a relationship and i was introverted in the relationship, and that person unintentionally was trying to change me to improve her life .
I went to college for her .
I went to the other side of the world for her . I even stopped seen some friends for her that were female and i knew them a long time .
Do you know the sad thing about this , she was thinking right that was right for her , not me cause i was introverted and i ended up getting a mental nervous breakdown from the whole lot of it cause i didn't want to go no where and i was very content with what i had .
You reminded me of her cause she wanted me to go to a counsellor as well and i didn't even need one at the time . By the looks of it your a very ambitious woman (i know you have kids now ) but some men don't want all of that stuff to be happy
Its nice to have , don't get me wrong , a lot of money but the news about that is that it won't make you happy or your husband happy as you can see now .
See your after having all of the highs in life possible that you can get from outside worldly things cause you have a lot money .
Buying this and buying that trying to fix things , but happiness is an inside job , not an outside job cause all of the anxieties comes after that or the (lows) on what your having now .
I had 2 brand new cars going back a fee years ago at the one time and i was driven through town thinking they'd make me happy and i wanted to top myself .
I ended up in a pysche ward after a break up , a friend dying at 38 , she's dead 14 years this month and i miss her badly wver since she died cause why she was a great friend ,nothing sexually was involved . Try a counsellor, that might work ,but i dont think it will cause if your trying to change him and going to counsellors and all of that crack you'll make him worse and more unhappy .
If he's introverted, you accept it .
You said he's great helping out and but he never praises you ,by the looks of it your getting insecure for some reason especially if your trying to change him .
You don't have to tell someone you love them all of the times . Its there actions that counts the most , and you said again he's great helping out with everything.
From a mans point of view i think he's doing great if he's like that not chasing after a woman .
He's seens to be very secure in himself .
He's probably secure and introverted .
Usually the loudest are insecure , not the introverted.
I don't know you i could have it all wrong, but by the way you posted your husband seems very content .
Im thinking that your after achieving all of the highs and you can't get no more highs over all of your money and now your on a downer and looking for another high to change your husband to suit yourself to make you feel good .
I'm not being hurtful but you want to see where it's all coming from inside of you .
I got a nervous breakdown from trying to be not introverted. Ill give you that advice and will i tell you at the time what my biggest fear was that i be alone .
14 years on im still alone and im ok with myself , that doesn't mean you have to be alone or get divorced but by the looks of it your trying to change him and your the one make all of the actions trying to change .
THE MONEY . THE CONSELLOR . THE BIKES . THE BEST OF GEAR . You want see inside yourself where all of that is coming from and YOU BE HAPPY THEN WITHOUT CHANGING ANYONE .
The highs can only last . Then theres the depressions and the suffering .
I'm not a counselor but i experienced a lot in my life . See some people think the highs are happiness but the sad thing about that there not , all it is , is another drug . And my last thing ill say , with all of the highs you be on and keeping that up what happens there it clouds your judgement after while .
So if your thinking of getting a divorce and thinking you'd meet the PERFECT PARTNER , think again .
Thats all i say cause by God your the one who'll suffer mentally