Husband is putting in the bare minimum, our relationship feels so dead. He hinks I'm crazy for asking for more of him. Advice?
Husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. He IS still the love of my life. We've had so many ups, and hes been very supportive in my career, and the kids etc but honestly it feels like after we had kids things really went south.
Over the last couple of years I've reached for so much. Thinking if I improve myself or our living conditions, it'll get better. In that short period of time, I've become a multi millionaire through a roofing marketing business I started 5 years ago.
I've taken us on lavish beach vacations 2-3 times a year, paid for everything including lavish gifts for him and the kids at every holiday or birthday party, paid for housekeepers, and babysitters, and fancy dinners.. Ive tried losing weight, doing my makeup differently, my hair differently. Dressing sexy for him...Bought expensive bike equipment so we could all go on fun adventures together, bought wagons to tote our kids around so we could walk and talk...I've tried TELLING him how I feel, about how I just feel like I need more. We've learned each others love languages, which his is acts of service so ive started trying to do things and clean for him, Ive bought card games to initiate conversation but honestly it feels like all of it has failed.
I've broken down upset before just about how there isn't enough in our relationship anymore.. Ive begged.. please just laugh at a joke of mine or laugh with me at something, or tell me I'm beautiful, or engage with me in an interesting conversation, or flirt. He is an introvert, but honestly ive known him at a time where he did flirt and laugh and stuff....I just need something.
Not to ask too too much but lord, could you plan a date? Ill pay for the babysitter...Could you go a step further and offer to pay the tab like a gentleman? or half the tab? Ive felt like even when we do go on dates like its extremely boring. He isnt vulnerable. Everything is robotic. Very dry conversation, not much laughing or joking.
and I am SO unhappy. Our days are the same day in and day out.
He's a great dad. He picks up the kids, he does dishes, he cleans, he helps get them dressed, he remembers things that I dont. Hes amazing in that aspect, and truly the glue sometimes to this family. BUT I feel he's doing the bare minimum in our relationship. Im not sure if im allowed to feel that way considering how amazing of a dad he is, but I do.
I've asked him to go to counseling, but it has to be my job to find and pay for the counselor. Im tired of dancing in circles and doing all the work. And the worst part is, he doesn't see any of it. He doesnt acknowledge any of this or offer solutions except that you know, he feels like its groundhog day with our kids routines.. But other than that, thats the only feedback ive gotten.
Im, sure he thinks I'm being unreasonable and honestly last night I broke down and got really upset about all this. Im on the verge of telling him I want him to move out but I just can't bear the thought of that. I don't want to get a divorce. I imagined us growing old together and having grandbabies etc.
I'm planning to start counseling next week to deal with my resentments. His point of view is that all I do is criticize and put him down. Im at such a loss.
Is it the young kids? Would I just run into this situation again with any other spouse? Could it get better? Have you ever experienced this and made it out and fallen in love again?
Over the last couple of years I've reached for so much. Thinking if I improve myself or our living conditions, it'll get better. In that short period of time, I've become a multi millionaire through a roofing marketing business I started 5 years ago.
I've taken us on lavish beach vacations 2-3 times a year, paid for everything including lavish gifts for him and the kids at every holiday or birthday party, paid for housekeepers, and babysitters, and fancy dinners.. Ive tried losing weight, doing my makeup differently, my hair differently. Dressing sexy for him...Bought expensive bike equipment so we could all go on fun adventures together, bought wagons to tote our kids around so we could walk and talk...I've tried TELLING him how I feel, about how I just feel like I need more. We've learned each others love languages, which his is acts of service so ive started trying to do things and clean for him, Ive bought card games to initiate conversation but honestly it feels like all of it has failed.
I've broken down upset before just about how there isn't enough in our relationship anymore.. Ive begged.. please just laugh at a joke of mine or laugh with me at something, or tell me I'm beautiful, or engage with me in an interesting conversation, or flirt. He is an introvert, but honestly ive known him at a time where he did flirt and laugh and stuff....I just need something.
Not to ask too too much but lord, could you plan a date? Ill pay for the babysitter...Could you go a step further and offer to pay the tab like a gentleman? or half the tab? Ive felt like even when we do go on dates like its extremely boring. He isnt vulnerable. Everything is robotic. Very dry conversation, not much laughing or joking.
and I am SO unhappy. Our days are the same day in and day out.
He's a great dad. He picks up the kids, he does dishes, he cleans, he helps get them dressed, he remembers things that I dont. Hes amazing in that aspect, and truly the glue sometimes to this family. BUT I feel he's doing the bare minimum in our relationship. Im not sure if im allowed to feel that way considering how amazing of a dad he is, but I do.
I've asked him to go to counseling, but it has to be my job to find and pay for the counselor. Im tired of dancing in circles and doing all the work. And the worst part is, he doesn't see any of it. He doesnt acknowledge any of this or offer solutions except that you know, he feels like its groundhog day with our kids routines.. But other than that, thats the only feedback ive gotten.
Im, sure he thinks I'm being unreasonable and honestly last night I broke down and got really upset about all this. Im on the verge of telling him I want him to move out but I just can't bear the thought of that. I don't want to get a divorce. I imagined us growing old together and having grandbabies etc.
I'm planning to start counseling next week to deal with my resentments. His point of view is that all I do is criticize and put him down. Im at such a loss.
Is it the young kids? Would I just run into this situation again with any other spouse? Could it get better? Have you ever experienced this and made it out and fallen in love again?
36-40, F
