The last time..

Sometimes it's hard to share a painful story, but when you get it out, it helps lessen the power it has over you so I'm going to share here in the void, even if noone else reads it. So here goes...
Sex was always infrequent in my marriage, I thought it didn't matter as much as I realized later. I always initiated sex. I didn't mind that so much, it was that it felt like he was forcing himself. When I hit my mid 30s, as what often happens to women of this age, our sex drive increases. I became increasingly frustrated and the sex became less and less frequent. He would make an excuse or just play with me and nothing more. I tried to spice things up, but it didn't help even a little. If anything, it made it worse. On my last attempt, I got up the courage to lead him to the bedroom. I had him sit on the bedside chair then I tied his hands. I laid on the bed in front of him and began playing with myself. Before I got very far, he told me "this is weird"
I got up and ran downstairs and cried myself to sleep. The next day, I said, since I don't think things are going to change in this aspect if he minded if I saw someone. He said no and that he would try harder. That was 10 years ago. The sex stopped completely.

Lovegentleman · 46-50, M

So sorry. Unlike all other relationships you have, marriage is the only one you can allowably have sex. If the person in your life does not provide you with sex, then they are withholding the care and love they need to provide you. Especially for women, sex can be void of penetration if that's the problem he has. There's oral and also toy play that can be used to satisfy you, so avoiding to do it is selfish for him to do.

As time goes on, you'll need to make a decision if you will survive without it. Sex is a vital part of your mental, emotional and physical health. The oxytocin chemical produced during sexual orgasm is vital for rejuvenating your body organs and keeping you young and healthy. That's why women glow after sex.

I made the difficult decision to leave a sexless marriage. At first, it was very costly, but I have since then recovered, besides being in a sexually satisfying relationship. Being sexually satisfied has made me be more productive and resourceful. I don't regret it.

Not sure if you feel you can live without it. But your body needs it, even if you suppress it.

Cheesecake · 61-69, M

Omg that's terrible. I have the mirror image of that. Maybe we should get married?
Seriously though, I knew a woman in a similar marriage. Four years she put up with it (no sex at all) before divorcing him. She was so beautiful, intelligent, sexy and loving - everything a man could want or need. I was convinced he was a repressed homosexual.
Very brave of you to air this btw. I hope you get some sympathetic replies and not just nonsense 🤗

Heartlander · 80-89, M

Sounds like living with a roommate who is from a different planet. 10 years is a long time to live with such a disconnect. I assume you eventually gave up trying.

Lots of questions pop up, like is there a psychological or physiological underlying reason? Is it sex or is it you? Like does he get relief by masturbating alone? Has he seen a doctor about this?

I personally share a similar situation, but for good reasons, like a terminally ill, fragile spouse who I care for. And being her caretaker is itself an act of love. So my reward is see her in good spirit and comfortable, and the sexless part isn’t so noticeable. Hopefully you are getting some satisfaction and fulfilling some need from the relationship in the absence of sex. If not, I really feel sorry for you an hope you find a solution soon.