Equality doesn't mean sameness. I think of it as a respect or completion thing and that we are equal in terms of the "usefulness" with what we bring to a marriage or relationship. In my marriage, only my husband worked for the majority of it. He also managed all of the finances and gave me an allowance. Did that mean I was less useful and that there was therefore inequality because I was a "kept woman" and didn't financially contribute?
I know there are some people who immediately think that's terrible and they would say that there was inequality but it worked for us. My husband financially provided and my role was to take care of the children and create a calm relaxing home with nurture and good food.
Both roles are equally important. We were equal because like a car needs fuel, working people need comfort and a space to relax to recharge their batteries and be able to continue to do the best job they can. So I worked hard to do that for the whole family and with that there was equality and value in terms of what we each brought.
But I can go further than this, even if there is a created power exchange where one person is consensually given more control than the other, for example in a structured D/s relationship, there's still a kind of equality in that you complete and 'feed' each other in terms of need.
