I ended my relationship with my mom. Is it justified?

My mom has been so mean to me my whole life. She’s said really mean things, accused me of being this or that, not thinking properly my whole life..as I’ve gotten older we’ve had spurts of getting along every well, talking everyday at points in my life after I got married and had kids.. im 33 now...Fully grown, married, happy.. own a successful business that is now doing much better since COVID etc.. I make a lot of money.. and we are stable..when I was a young girl, there were times in my life I couldn’t afford milk, bread, eggs etc.. I would pawn my guitar and pay it back.. i always paid it back..well my mom grew up with a sister who used to carelessly pawn jewelry for drugs.. being the wild child, my mom always compared me to her. I never got into drugs, but as you see above I did pawn a couple of items and there were times id call my mom and ask for money to get the stuff out,, again 10 years ago, life is completely different for me now.. I have a. Daughter and happy husband etc.. well.. 3-4 months ago we moved, and my mom helped us secure movers, people she employees at her work. While they were in our house, they stole about 7k worth of jewelry.. at the time I thought surely not I’ll find it.. time went by and I never did. I knew that day, I was missing stuff and I didn’t imagine even for a second her workers would steel from us.. it’s totally obvious they did, no one else has been in our house at all. When I told my mom her first reaction was to call me an idiot... and then ignore me for a week. I called my sister to talk about it and she confessed to me that my mom told her that I probably pawned the jewelry.. she also told her that a ring that was stolen from me several years ago was probably also pawned.. that’s just “how she is” my mom said about me to my sister. Welll.. I just completely lost it.. I decided to tell my mom I was done with her stuff and she’ll never see her grand daughter again. She basically went into how she was a victim, and how mean I am, and how her comments were passing and “just words” and “sorry you feel the way you do” .. it just made me more angry, and despite everything I just 100% feel like this straw broke the camels back. I don’t want anything to do with them anymore... I want to protect my daughter from my mom .. and as sad as I am, I’m changing my phone number tomorrow to move forward.. my mom is old, and I’ve always felt I should just take the high road until she dies.. like she’s crazy and mean often.. and I’ve always shrugged it off, but this I can’t shake. Am I being crazy or does this decision to cut my mom off sound justified? Thank you so much for reading this I am so grateful for you all!

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Alifeinterrupted · 26-30, F

Family sucks and I would know since I come from a dysfunctional family. I can imagine how u felt learning your mom was talking smack about u behind your back with your sister..I would be angry too. I won't tell you u to "cut off your mom" or "let by gones be by gones" as I'm EXTREMELY stubborn and refuse to give you advice that I wouldn't take myself.

I have a shitty family structure with siblings/parents that frequently talks behind your back with other family. One thing I'm certain of, and its something u should ask yourself..if you were to fall on your face tomorrow, your business crashed and you couldn't afford to keep your luxuries, would your mom be there? Would she come to your rescue and "weather the storm with you?" I know my family would and that's the only darn thing that keeps me cutting them entirely out my life. I don't feel the way you do about my mom..my dad is a whole different story, and my feelings towards him are primarily attributed to the manner in which he treats my mom.

I'm sorry you think that cutting your mom off is your only resolution..no one can judge you for it..we dont have the right to. I really do hope that you'll "keep in touch" with her through your sister as she ages. I know just how vulnerable they become @ that stage and as angry as u are at her..I know she's dying slowly to have u speak to her again and as a mom yourself..I can imagine you'd know what it would feel like if your daughter wanted to cut u out her life.

When we are angry.. we tend to act in the moment and make decisions we often regret. I do wish u the very best and hope something positive comes from all this.

ButterRobot · 51-55, M

Rather than cut her off - could you just keep her at a distance ?

Personally we have found that works better for us...it keeps the lines of communication open for family stuff.

reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M

@ButterRobot I agree, my theory is that everyone in my life have a perfect distance i want them at. Some I want close and would feel sad if they were far but others are just perfect at a distance that keep things formal and polite.

xSiFiGamer2016x · 22-25, M

This is kinda related to my own mom. She would assume things about me because she's used to hearing me or doing things normally. I can't feel guilty if she said all those things and I told her I didn't want to argue, but she kept going. Sometimes, I wanna leave the house.

My point is, you've made a good move to leave her be and no matter what, you'll always love your mother.

ninjavu · 51-55, M

Your mother sounds like my father. I'm sorry.

As for cutting her off from your daughter, I'm of two minds about that because I've seen the negativity of it in my family. But you're the decision maker in this case and I can see your point of view. It's tragic.

Good luck. 🤗

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

You have to do what you think is best here. Consider not seeing her much, maybe only on holidays rather than cutting her off totally. You have to protect yourself from her toxic view. She is not a healthy person to be around so I wish you the best. You deserve kudos just for surviving her.

Wales · M

No one but you can say if it's the right thing to do. It seems like she doesn't take you at your word. Think about how you will feel about this situation in ten or twenty years. It seems rather harsh over missing jewelry. However, this is your decision

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

I say this all too often: she could be a narcissist, full blown NPD. It sounds like she is. I know you have gotten along at points but imo their behavior is cyclical. Always hoping you'll get through, always hoping you'll finally be good enough, badmouthing you to others and starting shit between you and other people(siblings included). You have a better chance of shoving an Eldorado up your nose. You did the right thing.

I'm going through this second hand with my gf. BOTH of her parents are narcissists(yes, they do marry each other). She was crippled by them in many ways and I find them a blight on the face of the Earth. I disconnected long ago.

Sorry that happened to you.

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