I Am Married But Lonely

We started as friends with benefits, ecstasy and laughter so pure, but over time it became more friends, less benefits for sure. The friendship is awesome, strong and true, but I miss the touch of me and you. She says that she's scared of hurting our bond. I can't show her the scars her denial has spawned. So we laugh and we drink and pretend it's alright, but tears hit my pillow sometimes at night. What did I do? Why am I not worthy? Do I push for these answers or carry on sternly? I love her, I need her. I'll take what I get, but sometimes I wish that we'd never met.

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SW-User

She's sending you a message and your not getting it!!!!

authorArt · 56-60, M

@grandaddypurple: Like most guys, I'm not very good at hints and subtext. So, your probably right. I wonder what it is?

SW-User

@authorArt: Sounds like she wants it to end but doesn't want to be the one who actually ends it that way you get the blame!

authorArt · 56-60, M

No, that would be my wife. This girl has a scab on her heart from all the previous hurt she's endured. Her feelings are strong enough now that she's afraid that intimacy will cause friendship to become love and that her heart will be open to the pain again. It hurts watching her go from bed to bed just scratching the itch, but overall, I've got the best of her. We laugh we drink, we play cribbage. I'll hold onto that without pushing away.