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What am I going to do? 🤦‍♂️

Everyone hates my hubby. Including his own brothers. I’ve tried to standby him, but I see the same things they do I just haven’t known him as long. I find myself in a role of therapist often. A mediator, a diagnoser, a counsellor …. We’ve done therapy - it’s been better, but he doesn’t wanna continue.
DoubleRings
51-55, F
25 replies 169 views Sep 1, 2023
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hartfire
Allow, accept and grieve the loss. Let go.
Find yourself a new life as a self-fulflled single.
Circulate until you meet someone who is functional enough not to need a mediator, diagnoser and counsellor.
A relationship with someone who is emotionally mature is wonderful.
+ 3 · Reply · Translate · Sep 2, 2023
Lilymoon · F
That's rough. I left my first husband and I'm glad I did.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Sep 2, 2023
IndianaJoes · M
Maybe I'm wrong... Sounds to me like a classic example of "Jumped in it too quickly before you really knew him and trying to force it to work". If I'm right... And you have no children, get out of it before it gets worse. Sounds to me like he may be very self centered and will only take you down with him. Hope I'm wrong and you can find a better way. 😢
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 2, 2023
IndianaJoes · M
@DoubleRings I think you are exactly right about that. I know this for a fact. The best counselor on the planet can't help a person at all if they don't first admit that they have a problem. A counselor told me this before and I get it. If he's not going to accept that he also is not perfect and thinks everybody else is the problem then he's got a problem. And that ball of crap is going to roll downhill right on top of you.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 3, 2023
DoubleRings · 51-55, F
@IndianaJoes well he will admit he is difficult to live with and seems to know he has issues that cause problems. But doesn’t want counselling or a diagnosis so… 🤷‍♀️
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 4, 2023
IndianaJoes · M
@DoubleRings I really hope the best for you. It is truly a difficult situation. Unfortunately the only thing you can change is yourself. You cannot change other people.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 4, 2023
deadgerbil · 26-30, M
Based on this and your one comment, you jumped into what is supposed to be a life long commitment way too fast. Gotta accept him for who he is, or you realize that a mistake was made and extract yourself from the situation.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 2, 2023
Ontheroad · M
That's rough and really it's not a healthy position for you to be in. I'd demand he go back to therapy with you, or at least that he goes to therapy.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 4, 2023
IndianaJoes · M
@Ontheroad I'm afraid that I have to agree... I'm not sure she's in a safe situation. I feel he is very narcissistic and that can be dangerous.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 4, 2023
Barebum61 · 61-69, M
Let it run its course
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 1, 2023
SW-User
leave him or just accept who he is
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 2, 2023
BeautifulLibra · 46-50, F
I hope your husband issues are resolved soon. Dealing with people can be difficult. Hang in there and stay encouraged.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2023
robertsnj · 56-60, M
what was his reason for wanting to leave? What do you two have in common?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 1, 2023
DoubleRings · 51-55, F
@robertsnj leave counselling? It costs money (even tho I have benefit coverage) and he doesn’t think we need it. Maybe he’s right. Weeeeee don’t need it, but he sure does. Lol. Truth be told I think there’s a diagnosis in there. ADHD, Asperger’s, OCD, OCPD, NPD - it’s SOMEthing. Something is NOT RIGHT.

In common? We love travelling, love animals, have good income, some similar goals, both fairly intelligent people. We complement one another in a lot of ways. He’s chatty I’m reserved so hes good at speaking up for himself and I’m good for apologizing for the way he does it. LMAO.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 1, 2023 · Edited: 1 yr ago
SW-User
How long have you been married? Has it been a good marriage?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 2, 2023
DoubleRings · 51-55, F
@SW-User 6 years. I’ve never been married before so idk if it’s “good” - we have a lot good times but it’s been kind of difficult for me bc it’s punctuated by a lot of stress and conflict. He seems happy. Says I’m a “perfect wife”. I really do my best. But of course this is one side of a two sided story….

I should also add that he helped some important aspects of my original family - which I prob couldn’t have done without him. But that came with a lot of stress and conflict too so now I am estranged from some family.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 2, 2023 · Edited: 1 yr ago
MisterGrey · 41-45, M
He sounds like he's a drain on your own energy and not giving anything back. I feel for you.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 1, 2023
DoubleRings · 51-55, F
@MisterGrey gives back often but he is very dramatic. Everything is an issue. He runs his life like checks and balances. If you scratch his back, he scratches yours. If you piss him off, he will piss you off. I don’t have time for that kind of shit.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 1, 2023 · Edited: 1 yr ago
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DoubleRings · 51-55, F
@Bugbittinbrain none. We just got a kitten. I know if we had kids I’d be the one doing all the parenting.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 1, 2023 · Edited: 1 yr ago
 
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