What am I going to do? 🤦‍♂️

@IndianaJoes no that’s pretty accurate! I had some grief (from family death) going on before I met him. I was really alone. I didn’t wanna live alone forever. I still don’t, honestly. I didn’t “belong” anywhere.

@DoubleRings I certainly don't wish what happened to me to happen to you but I'll tell you about my situation. I jumped into marriage too soon. Knew her 6 months. She was a big time game player but I didn't know it till she got her ring. She was not the one I dated. She changed immediately. In fact I called off the honeymoon and went home because of her "How it's gonna be now" conversation. She started playing her games. I could never predict what was on her mind. My childhood was horrible because of my mother and father's divorce. My mother disowned me and I never seen her since. I was terrified of divorcing my wife. We actually forced it to work for 15 years. It got worse and worse by the day. Then one day I realized I was thinking about getting rid of her. Then I knew that that's just the last straw. There's no way I could do something like that. I have no choice but to just file for divorce. And the whole time that my kids are under the age of 18 it was complete hell afterwards. She tried keeping them from me but it didn't work. Thousands of dollars and many lawyers later I made sure that my children were not fatherless kids and now they love me very much. And 10 years later after divorce I'm still single. Wish I could find somebody but it seems to me that everybody is a fake these days. After a while you just grow numb to it. The wonderful thing that happened is that I did not murder her and I did not go to prison forever. I just rode the storm out and now I am free as a bird and got it going on. In many ways I'm happy but there are some depression that I will probably never get over. I can admit that I am a full grown man who cries regularly. I have faith that one day I will see paradise.

@IndianaJoes ok well I don’t wanna unalive him lol. Though I do agree things let loose much more after marriage. We had our first big fight about a month later where it was like i didn’t know this man at all. And I ended up leaving the house in a night gown and bare feet cause he was such an ass. I ended up returning a little later.

We’ve had many blowouts since then and that’s why I elected for counselling. It was like arguing with a drunk and he wouldn’t let it go.

Counselling has been helpful in that regard. I’m glad we went. He lets things go a lot easier, admits to his part in transgressions (didn’t used to) and will even apologize but often that’s after a blowout when the apology could have prevented it.

But he needs to work on being less passive aggressive to people in general, accepting and respecting boundaries and just relaxxxxing about very petty issues ( like if we save 3 cents of gas going one route vs another) and focus on the big issues like opening his mail, and not hoarding.

@DoubleRings he sounds a lot like how my ex was. Probably just itching for a reason to start in about something. She had anti-social disorder. She would just find all my buttons and see just how far she could push me. She almost pushed me over the edge. I didn't even know who I was. Then I snapped out if it and got me sht together. I was finally done with her.
Counseling can be good as long as they don't start prescribing them drugs. If so then you'll have a whole set of new problems coming.
There are better ways but stay strong and don't let yourself lose you mind.
I lost all respect for big pharma doctors after I seen their true colors during the scam-demic.
Talking about it can be really helpful to get it off your chest but not with anyone who acts like a friend but really has a history of stirring up drama.

@IndianaJoes I do think there’s a diagnosis missing but he doesn’t seem too keen on getting one. He says it will solve nothing. My counsellor implied if he’s not willing to help himself then I am within my right to take next steps bc he has a duty to be in charge of himself and by not seeking diagnosis or accepting treatment then he’s neglecting his duties at my expense.

@DoubleRings I think you are exactly right about that. I know this for a fact. The best counselor on the planet can't help a person at all if they don't first admit that they have a problem. A counselor told me this before and I get it. If he's not going to accept that he also is not perfect and thinks everybody else is the problem then he's got a problem. And that ball of crap is going to roll downhill right on top of you.

@IndianaJoes well he will admit he is difficult to live with and seems to know he has issues that cause problems. But doesn’t want counselling or a diagnosis so… 🤷‍♀️

@DoubleRings I really hope the best for you. It is truly a difficult situation. Unfortunately the only thing you can change is yourself. You cannot change other people.