This post may contain Mildly Adult content.
Mildly Adult
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE, today »

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

I don't live in a sexless marriage anymore, but I used to. In fact that was what brought me to EP and so on to here.

I am now divorced and in a new relationship.

The lack of sex was a symptom rather than a cause of my marriage break down. Like many others here I found solace in online "fun" but ultimately found that unsatisfying. I also thought I had fallen in love online but it was an empty fantasy.

This is what I learned.

I realised online relationships rarely last. The fantasy is alluring and we project upon the other all the unfulfilled fantasies of our empty marriage. But the reality is that relationships, ALL relationships, are hard work. You have to be able to communicate about difficult issues and if you can't communicate then any relationship will fail whether it is online or real world. But the benefits of a loving honest relationship are soooo worth it!!

Also, infidelity is never the answer. The excitement of those secret phone calls and messages is so alluring but it is not the basis for anything other than a cheap affair.

Ironically enough I met my current partner via online dating but we met in real life after only about a week of messaging. I count our relationship as starting from our first date which was in real life!

Yes there is life, love and amazing sex after sexless marriage, don't give up hope but beware the false allure of an online relationship.
PoetryNEmotion · 61-69, F
I am in agreement that a true love on-line that lasts forever is rare, but it does exist. I know at least six couples who met on-line on EP and have successful marriages currently. The individuals have to be very open and honest and committed for it even to have a chance. On-line relationships required open communication as well. Stats indicate that 1/3 relationships that result in marriage started on-line. I am happy that you found your partner finally. Another person who left a sexless marriage gives hope and proves that one can be happy leaving that kind of unhappy relationship. Congratulations.
polyandrym66 · 70-79, M
@PoetryNEmotion Good for you. Lots of doors will open for you that way. And you will be very happy trying new things..
PoetryNEmotion · 61-69, F
@polyandrym66 I always try new things. Thanks for the chat.
polyandrym66 · 70-79, M
@PoetryNEmotion Keep it up and stay happy..
jim44444 · 70-79, M
Congratulations on gathering the strength to leave an unsatisfying marriage. And congratulations for having the courage to pursue a new authentic relationship.

I can sympathize with your opinions about online relationships and affairs (outsourcing) but I cannot fully support them. As I have gotten older I find that I have little agreement with the Monogamy Martyrdom Mafia that tries to declare that all sexuality take place (or not) within the confines of marriage. I know you are not one of them but your words speak off their influence. Words like "cheap affair", "false allure" and "infidelity" are pejoratives that we, you and I and all of us, have been indoctrinated to believe even though they are baseless. Love and lust are not and should not be confined behind the prison walls of an archaic ritual. Love should be embraced in its manifestation of its infinite possibilities. Lust should be enjoyed in its appropriate moments.
@jim44444 thank you for your reply. Lust is wonderful I agree! As long as no one is being deceived then go for it, I understand some find fulfilment in open polyamarous relationships, as long as everyone involved is happy then where's the harm! Its only when people are being lied to that it is wrong
okaybut · 56-60, M
[quote]The lack of sex was a symptom rather than a cause of my marriage break down[/quote]

I could not agree more.
okaybut · 56-60, M
@PoetryNEmotion Life gives you a bunch of good and bad...the wonderful challenge is trying to fix them. :)
PoetryNEmotion · 61-69, F
@okaybut refusers rarely can be fixed. I suggest people get out from sexless unions. They kill people slowly like the poison they are. No one deserves that. Unless you have endured one your opinion is meaningless. Good day to you. Sexless is like a sinking shipm it shall sink and take you down with it. A waste of life and time. No one has the right to die that way.
okaybut · 56-60, M
@PoetryNEmotion I agree...either it is fixed or the relationship should likely end.
ravenwind43 · 51-55, F
I don't entirely agree about online relationships being false, but I am glad you got out of your situation and are onto something better! It gives me renewed hope😁
ravenwind43 · 51-55, F
@SW-User Maybe, but I think in many cases you're right on the mark! I am looking forward to a better life (fingers crossed) when the time comes for me to leave. So hearing positive outcome stories helps a LOT!
PoetryNEmotion · 61-69, F
@ravenwind43 When "when" comes, be fierce! Be strong! Be free! And come share with us so we may applaud you and cheer you on!
ravenwind43 · 51-55, F
@PoetryNEmotion Thanks..I will do that!
polyandrym66 · 70-79, M
I'm glad to hear that you are not alone and are now happy in a relationship that fulfills you.

I too was in a sexless marriage, but unlike yours.. It was not a symptom of other things, IT WAS THE DIRECT CAUSE of my divorce.

And like you, I found EP and enjoyed the chats and sharing of ideas and fantasies there.

I read that you are cynical of those online relationships, and I am sorry that you have not had good experiences with them...

I have, and like you found my lover on EP and began an online relationship that turned into a face-to-face that flourished as a Long Distance Relationship for 2 yrs, and flowing over to SW (when EP closed). Last year she moved in with me and retired from the job that kept her 600 miles away from me.

We are now happy together, and it all began out of my desperation from living alone and her giving of her time (online) to help me.

I hope that others find their true loves online and get to know them through SW like I did..

Please do not be cynical of online fantasy chats or exploring polygamous relationships to solve your unhappy situation.

I am willing to share my past if you have questions in PM's..
Please read my about me here on SW...

And you all have my best wishes for the future..
ARS1969 · 51-55, M
Thank you! Your story have me a some hope. I've been in a sexless relationship for seven years.
PoetryNEmotion · 61-69, F
@ARS1969 I see. Oh, you may put your sexual desires aside, but they never disappear. The way a sexless marriage can effect you is terrible. Depression, anxiety, anger, resentment-the list goes on and on. It can contribute to health problems too. I wish you better.
ARS1969 · 51-55, M
@PoetryNEmotion thank you, I need help because my mental health is starting to go. It's crazy how this can effect a person.
PoetryNEmotion · 61-69, F
@ARS1969 I doubt refusers think how it effects the person being denied sex/intimacy. Please get some help. A counselor. A trusted friend to talk with. Don't fall.
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
I'm glad that you found light at the end of the tunnel. I'm kind of afraid that if I do find myself, husbandless, that I'll find out I'm not meant for marriage after all.
PoetryNEmotion · 61-69, F
@darktippedrose What is wrong with that? Some people aren't. It would be good to know who you are in life...
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
@PoetryNEmotion Because a good husband is what I want. its my nature.
I am glad it is all working out for you. Your whole story sounds about how I feel.
Congrats on the happiness you’ve found.
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
This is a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
neera · 41-45, F
i just like good sex!
polyandrym66 · 70-79, M
@neera Good Sex is the corner stone for a good relationship..
Just not a monogamous one..
JustADude · 56-60, M
I also disagree that infidelity is never the answer. In my case, it was what I needed to learn that I was not the unfuckable piece of garbage that my wife made me feel like.

I originally thought it could be a long term solution, and my thinking has evolved from that. It is possible that my affair will be what propels me to finally face the fact that my marriage is not doing anything positive for my life. Not quite there yet, but feeling desired has pushed me to realize that I am a much different person than I had been gaslighted into believing I was. And if I do end up divorcing, it will be because I have the self confidence that the affair has given me.
californiablue · 70-79, M
very interesting ......i think things happen for a reason sad we sometimes get lost
yeronlyman · 51-55, M
Nice post and good for you
Peace and respect 💐
romell · 51-55, M
well described
LTKISS · 56-60, M
So glad for you.

Post Comment
12,342 people following
Personal Stories, Advice, and Support
New Post
Associated Groups Forum Members